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[Jul. 31st, 2009|01:06 pm] |
The candle I bought was supposed to be unscented, but to me it totally smells like burning wax.
Kimberly Ciesiolka
A pizza joint here in town has a pie with turtle meat and snails on it. Even if they deliver it in 30 minutes or less, is it still considered fast food?
Ken Foster
The Top Songs at the Coast Guard Birthday Celebration
- Pretty much anything by Muddy Waters
- Not the Navy
- Take Me from the River
- Search and Rescue Me
- Coastbusters: Who Else Ya Gonna Call?
- Bold Folks at Home-land Security (Whoa, Drown Upon the Swanee River)
- We SAR, the Champions
- Um, Oceanal Rescue
- A White Short Coast (and a Pink SAR Station
The Top Things Celebrities Say During Lovemaking
- "Ohh... ooo... you get me so... so... damn. LINE!!
- "Sorry about the chipped tooth. The silicone's hardened a little."
- "Yes! Yes! A percentage of the gross!"
- "I should be getting an Oscar for *this*!"
- "Bob, have you ever seen 'The Crying Game'?"
- "I'm not a slut. But I play one on TV! No, really, I do."
- "Lights! Camera! Erection!"
- "Wow, that's the biggest opening I've seen since the 'Dark Knight' premiere."
- "Oh, Sarah! I mean, Tina!"
- "Who's your agent? Who's your agent!"
- "Oh, Tom, Tom, TOM!" (Tom Cruise only)
The Top Signs an "Historical" Moment Didn't Really Happen
- Did so-called "First President" George Washington ever produce a birth certificate? I don't think so.
- Investigators discover prank tape measure inadvertently used in the 1968 Olympic Long Jump, with markings that go from 4 meters to 6 meters, skipping 5 entirely.
- Michael Jackson's death, because hey, you still hear him on the radio every day.
- Monday, 6th September 1975. Swedish exchange student Ingrid and her twin sister, Klara, failed to acknowledge that Saturday night happened by ignoring me all day.
- Secretly-shot underwater footage from Pearl Harbor reveals the sunken USS Arizona to be molded plastic -- and labeled "Made in Japan."
- We paid how much for "Alaska," and have any of us ever seen it?
- The Lone Gunman escaped on rollerblades.
- Michael's coffin: Soundproofed on the inside, welded shut on the outside and one of the pall bearers looked like Elvis.
- Upon closer inspection, you can see the Mayflower's fax machine.
- Long-lost ticket stubs from William of Normandy's Caribbean Fun Cruise in October of 1066.
- If we didn't receive a contemporaneous tweet from the person, than I don't believe he walked on the Moon, reached the New World, or parted the Red Sea.
- Empty canisters of Pringles scattered near the site of Ghandi's hunger strike.
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