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[Jun. 18th, 2009|10:30 am] |
You know your sex life is lacking when you start looking forward to your annual prostate exam.
Jim Woodruff
The Top Reasons North Korea Is Saber-Rattling
- From time to time, they like to remind the Japanese they're still around.
- Hoping to lure enough curious cats to feed the entire population.
- It was National Goose Stepping and Saber Rattling Month.
- Just sending South Korea a message. Kinda like stalking your ex-girlfriend.
- Mid-life missile crisis.
- Unhappy with unflattering portrayal of North Korean air power in M*A*S*H's "Washing Machine Charlie" episode.
- When baby Dear Leader wakes up from his nap, he has to rattle something.
- They took exception to Lil' Kim being voted off "Dancing with the Stars."
- To drown out the sound of Dear Leader's karaoke.
- It looks more professional than throwing a temper tantrum.
- They're really annoyed that Hyundai is outselling the North Korean "Buy This or Else" automobile.
- Kim Jong Il wanted to prove he could get something up without Viagra.
- Someone just read "The Mouse that Roared."
- Had to use plutonium before "Best Before" date expired.
- KJI hasn't been able to attract any Facebook friends.
- Peninsula Envy.
The Top Cosmo Articles Under Editor-in-Chief Chuck Norris
- What Martial Style are You?
- 5 Moves That Sound Dirty but Aren't
- Hot New Combat Moves You Can ALSO Use in Bed!
- Denim: The New Black
- Camo Is NOT for the Jungle Anymore!
- Drive Him WILD with Chun Kuk Do
- 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves to Make on Men -- and I'm Only Guessing These Will Work on Men Because I'm a Tough-Talking Republican and Would Never Be Gay or Anything
- Roundhouse Kick Your Way To Thinner Thighs
The Top Things We Can Do to Prevent Global Warming
- Get them science fair nerds to stop making volcanoes and start making snow and glaciers and stuff.
- Require all SUVs to run on love, sweet love.
- Convert to Celsius. Miami: 25 degrees! Los Angeles: 27! Death Valley: 30!
- Limit truck-stop waitresses to five cans of Aqua Net a day.
- Say, what if Mr. Freeze were elected governor of California?
The Top Ways to Lose Weight in the Workplace
- Checks are based on how long and far you can run, because they have never actually been based on productivity.
- Elevators only run from 9:56 to 10:04 am and 3:17 to 3:21 pm.
- Elevators only stop on floors with a "7" in them.
- Conference call relay race.
- Out: Company softball team.
In: Company World's Strongest Man competition.
- Replace cafeteria chairs with treadmills.
- New vending machine price scheme: Granola, $1.00; Veggie Bars, $1.25; Three Musketeers, $49.95.
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