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[May. 3rd, 2009|01:49 pm] |
At first they called it "Swine flu," but then certain religious groups complained so they renamed it "Mexican flu," but that was deemed offensive to Mexicans, so now it's called "H1N1." I guess it's only a matter of time before "Star Wars" nerds rise up and defend the honor of service 'droids.
Paul B.
You learn something new every day. Today I learned that if you put a whoopee cushion on the judge's seat, he can jail you for contempt.
John English
Since nobody eats it anyway, broccoli farmers should figure out a way to make an alternative energy source out of it. I'll bet that would stop restaurants from garnishing my steak with it, but if it doesn't, hey, free ride home.
Dwight Burke
The Top Rejected Prom Themes
- Save the Lap Dance for Me
- A Night to Remember Where I Left My Underwear
- Last Chance for Revenge Killings
- Suburban White Kidz in da Hizzle!
- The Night Before the Morning-After Pill
The Top Movies About the Economy
- Broke Banks Mounting
- The Foodstamp Redemption
- Slumdog Thousandaire
- There Will Be Debt
- Homeless in Seattle
- The World According to TARP
- 5 to 9 (For Embezzlement)
- Notorious AIG
- Driving Miss Fannie Mae Over a Cliff
The Top Ways to Tell Your Ass from a Hole in the Ground
- If Andy Dick keeps buying it drinks, it's not a hole in the ground.
- If it fits in your underwear, it's your ass. If it's the other way around, it's a hole.
- Stick a small plant in there and water it. See if it grows. (Don't attempt this with a rose bush.)
- Ask the proctologist which one he billed you to probe.
- My big brother couldn't kick my hole in the ground.
- It's easy to get a pineapple in and out of the hole in the ground.
- None of your employees has shown any affection for the hole in the ground.
- The hole in the ground doesn't drag after a long day at the sewer plant.
- One is covered by your underwear, the other is being hauled off to jail for indecent exposure.
- If tourists come from around the world to stand at the rim and marvel, most likely it's not your ass.
The Top Health Benefits of Getting Married in a Fast Food Restaurant
- Guests drinking Coke or Pepsi rarely get into drunken brawls.
- When ol' Aunt Betty expires during the ceremony she can be safely stored in the walk-in until the reception is over.
- Not nearly as stuffy as a wedding at the Wal-Mart.
- "Fire" sauce is usually good enough to clear out your sinuses.
- The wedding party looks great with Burger King crowns.
- Fast food uniforms are less ego shredding then most bridesmaids gowns.
- The Carl's Jr. Jalapeno Six Dollar Burger TM is a tasty substitute for boring high colonics during new age wedding ceremonies.
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