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[Apr. 8th, 2009|08:22 am] |
Communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship, regardless of what my dumbass wife says.
Mike Culp
As I sat there in the darkened room, I felt the oily slime trickling down my throat like the bony fingers of Death's hand, reaching down to claim his prize. I should know better than to ask for extra butter on my popcorn.
Jeff Threatt
If an infinite number of monkeys typed on an infinite number of typewriters, they would eventually bang out the entire works of Shakespeare -- but I bet most people would be more impressed that the noise finally stopped.
Keith Sullivan
The Top Signs Your SUV Is Too Damn Big
- When you pull up to the pharmacy window, they already have the package of extra small condoms bagged and ready to go.
- Due to new military intel that has narrowed the search down to the inside of your vehicle, President Bush remains confident that Osama Bin Laden will someday be found.
- The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.
- You have a "War and Peace" bumper sticker -- the entire novel.
- You're spending too much time prying Honda Civics out of your tire treads.
- Three times this week you had to get the dealer to scrape migrating geese off the bumper.
- Greenpeace has assigned the "Rainbow Warrior" Micro Bus to position itself between your SUV and the endangered Isuzu Amigos.
- Rebel forces mistake it for a small moon.
The Top 7 Surprises at the Microsoft Store
- A discrete area in the back featuring male-enhancement products for people who misinterpreted "Microsoft."
- Free daily demonstrations of the proper key combinations/mouth positions/small animal sacrifices needed to make Vista perform flawlessly.
- You knew the economy was bad, but your sad-eyed cashier bears a striking resemblance to Bill Gates.
- Steve Jobs voodoo dolls.
- Even here the iPod outsells the Zune.
- You came in looking to buy a headphone for your Zune but after using the "Sales Wizard" you wind up walking out with a ream of printer paper, a loaf of day-old bread and eight copies of Windows ME.
- The store closes at 9pm but the back door is always unlocked.
- All of the display kiosks are running Linux.
- Dimmed lights, burning incense and the sales staff softly chanting, "Microsoft *Works*... Microsoft *Works*...."
- Even the bathrooms have windows.
- The "Over __ Sold" sign by the Zune display is still in the single-digits.
- Every couple of hours the store closes down for no reason and has to be re-opened all over again.
- You just wanted to buy that cool t-shirt, but you're forced to pay for the pants, hat, underwear, socks, and shoes that come bundled with it.
- Access to the Genius Bar is via teleconference to Mumbai.
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