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[Apr. 7th, 2009|08:54 am] |
I have to laugh when I hear people say if you gave a million monkeys a million typewriters, one would eventually write Shakespeare. Yeah, *right* -- like he'd even have Shakespeare's address!
Brad Simanek
Dogs have it made. They get to lie around all day long, get waited on hand and foot, go for walks, get treats, etc. And if all that weren't enough, they also get to sniff butts without getting arrested!
Mike Ranston
Every time I'm naked, my cat stares at me. I don't know if reincarnation is real, but if it is I sure hope my cat was one of those guys who air-brushes the stretch marks off of supermodels in magazines.
Elisa Shed
Without getting into specifics, a Fort Lauderdale man was recently arrested for killing his girlfriend when she refused to give him another beer. He then tried to have sex with the corpse.
The Top Signs You're Not Cut Out to Be a Necrophiliac
- You like to talk dirty during sex, which tends to draw the attention of the mourners.
- Blue just isn't your color.
- While you're not particularly big on attachments, you do prefer your partner's limbs that way.
- Frankly, the thought of cold, clammy, unresponsive flesh gives you the willies. And so does the thought of sleeping with a corpse instead of your wife.
- When listing your "turn offs" in your personal ad, you include embalming fluid.
- You dug the six-foot hole, climbed in the box, asked your friends to cover you with earth and leave. It's not until you started to wait for all the hot dead chicks to come to you that you discovered the flaw in your plan.
- Although corpses do smell better than your last date, all that digging is just too much work.
- Being a foot-fetishist, you hate getting toe-tags caught in your teeth.
- As you can personally attest, K-Y mixed with formaldehyde *BURNS*.
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