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Jan. 27th, 2009|02:16 pm |
The Top Signs You've Been a Judge Too Long
- "I hereby sentence you to XLVII years of imprisonment."
- You've worn a butt-shaped imprint into the bench.
- You were the first judge on the original "Divorce Court" in 1957. And you looked old then.
- You've outlived the President who appointed you to that lifetime position by two lifetimes already.
- No matter how hard he tries, your clerk just can't get that "old judge smell" out of your chambers.
The Top Signs Your Computer Was a Rock Band's Former Web Server
- A small cloud of groupie Blackberries is constantly hovering around it.
- It doesn't have any green pixels.
- It won't boot up before noon.
- It can be overclocked up to 11 GHz.
- The fans are really loud, especially after 10pm.
- Every few nights it trashes your desktop.
- The hard drive comes with liner notes.
The Top Benefits of 6D Technology
- Porn.
- Now that you can project your Second Life into your "first" life, it makes it seem a bit less pathetic. Or more so, depending on how you look at it.
- Cross-eyed geeks can finally watch 3-D movies.
- While 6D is obviously twice as good as original 3D, it is inferior to the new 9D standard and the much-anticipated future specs for 12D.
- Better economic models so that we can see exactly how messed up the situation is.
- The Golf Channel will SO rock!
- It's twice as good as that lousy 3D crap you normally live in.
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