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[Jan. 25th, 2009|11:56 am] |
The Top 18th-Century Product Warning Labels
- Advisory: not to be given to horses. Most importantly, the steeds in front of your carriage.
- ay addle the user, or cause fainting, especially after a blood-letting. Consult with thy barber.
- Meets 100% of Daily Lead Requirement
- Not intended for witches under 18.
- Not tested on women or indentured servants.
- This coconut not rated for speeds in excess of the minimum airspeed of a laden swallow.
- WARNING: Use of this product might result in your living past the age of 35.
- Not to be used in combination with any other Old Wives' Tale remedy.
- Results are dramatic! Failure to fake symptoms for a few days after treatment may result in being burned at the stake.
- Please consult your clergyman or barber if you sprout a third arm or turn into a frog.
- Tis advised that though shalt not ride thine horse, participate in a duel, nor feed the pigs until you hast checked how this balm affects thy brain.
- For treetment of Symptomf only. DOTH NOT ELIMINATE ILL HUMOURS!
- Produced in yon Facilitie which also yet produceth tallow, glue, asafoetida, sinew, hydes &c.
- Tis meant to clean the innards. Have pisspot at the ready.
- Containeth Parts and Subftances which may present a Hazzard to ye wee Children. Much as every other Thing in this our breef and unhappy Lyfe, by ye Wille of God.
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