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[Jan. 20th, 2009|12:29 pm] |
Woo-hoo! Good news from my shrink: I don't have an inferiority complex after all. He says I'm "justifiably humble!"
Lee Entrekin
10 fingers... 10 toes. Aw, crap! I'm metric!
Brad Osberg
Whenever I get a paycheck, the bursar always tells me, "Don't spend it all in one place." That's sound advice -- which I will take just as soon as sexy young women start stripping and dry-humping brass poles for cash in my grocery store's produce section.
Carl Knorr
The Top Surprises in the New Kama Sutra, part II
- Includes a new foreword by Madonna.
- Turns out the "Congress of the Cow" position actually involves livestock.
- To do position 84 correctly, you'll first have to convince Liza Minnelli to take part.
- There was no mention of kneepads in the original.
- The "Ganesh" deity was actually intended to be a warning against getting head from an elephant.
- A new position in the "Do Not Attempt This" section: "Two Tigers Chase Each Other's Tails Around the Oval Office"
- No surprise here: Women who can touch their heels behind their head are still worth three elephants and a camel.
- More kama, less sutra.
- "The greatest pleasures to be found in the gardens of pleasure come when one fully covers one's lover in sheets of finest silk and breaks wind most floridly."
The Top Signs the Internet Needs a Congressional Bailout
- It's been months since the last Lindsay Lohan nip slip and the livelihoods of thousands of webmasters are at risk.
- Seven trillion out-of-work bloggers would give an unfair competitive advantage to the "old media" newspaper industry.
- It's getting more expensive to run those tubes to rural areas.
- Wikipedia users now forced to purchase yearly WikiConcordance updates.
- Steve Jobs, Steve Ballmer and Linus Torvalds travel to Washington via Segway to meet with Congress.
- All the server farm closures could cripple U.S. agriculture.
- Google officially renamed Billion.
- The hits-per-page rate is falling. Congress understands hitting on pages.
- RIAA's lawsuits caused a drop in illegal music downloads, which decreased the popularity of singers, which led to millions of dollars of losses for the music industry.
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