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Oct. 23rd, 2008|03:26 pm |
Air Force Cyber Command (AFCYBER) was announced in 2006 as a new Major Command, became provisional and was postponed in 2007, and was aborted just a couple of weeks ago in 2008. Instead, the cyber mission is being transferred to a Numbered Air Force (a lower level command). It was all a bit of a mystery why this happened. Until now ...
The Top Reasons Air Force Cyber Command Was Aborted
- A double-pronged military maneuver with split-second cyber timing is hard to execute after that bad coffee spill on your keyboard.
- Aerial precision delivery by Amazon.com was a step too far.
- Everyone's copy of Missile Command kept crashing.
- Instead of more laptops being ordered, it was more lap dances.
- Regulations still prohibit hiring 14-year-olds.
- Slipping the surly bonds of cyberspace doesn't attract hot chicks.
- The provisional commander got a virus and refused to acknowledge he'd opened an "Enlarge your member..." e-mail.
- The brass thought "denial of service" was being laughed out of the NAS Pensacola Officers' Club.
- The troops were unwilling to ask or tell about backdoors and Trojans.
- All the FY09 funding was transferred to Nigeria.
- The system won't let them do anything until after they fight the ogres and retrieve the magic golden sword from the cave.
- Vista crashed, like a plane piloted by John McCain.
- It was supposed to be a tough command, but it had already lost its byte.
- Too much time holding on for technical assistance from India.
- Entire group was constantly getting distracted at the "Michelle Manhart and Babes of the Air Force" website.
- Fighter jocks got jealous when their call signs paled in comparison to hacker nicknames.
The Top Signs Your Yoga Instructor Is High
- Insists that class not begin until 4:20.
- "Today we learn 'Pose of the Unrolled Zig Zag' class."
- Seems to lose his balance a lot more. While standing. On both feet.
- All her leotards and leg warmers are now tie-dye.
- Downward-Facing Dog slowly evolves into the Face-Down Dog and then the Sleeping Dog.
- This week's class includes a 3 field trips to Taco Bell.
- He just asked you to not bogart the karma.
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