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[Aug. 14th, 2008|02:01 pm] |
The Top Signs Your Tattoo Artist Is Mad at You
- When you asked for a "Bad Ass" tattoo this isn't what you meant.
- Says that increasing gas costs will make your Corvette tattoo more expensive.
- You're sure that your partner's name was "Brad," not "Brat".
- Your Bible verse tat ends with, "she said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
- Should have been: "Live, Laugh, Love" but ends up as, "Give Rash, Glove your Love."
- Tattooed "I Love Fat Girls" on your back instead of "Born To Run."
- The teddy bears were supposed to be dancing around your ankle, not humping it.
- You asked for "something sexy" and you got a picture of his dad.
- While this is your first tat, you are pretty sure they don't usually use a nail gun.
- Instead of the customary butterfly you asked for, you got a rabid bat.
- You are pretty sure urine is not used as a coloring agent.
- "I Love My MOO"
- Spit-shines the needle.
- When you look close at the mermaid on your arm, you notice that she's giving you the finger.
- You asked for the Chinese symbol for "Peace." Instead, he gave you "Gay and single."
- Underneath your big "USMC" there's a tiny "reject who likes seamen."
The Top Signs Hospital Security Is Taking Its Job Too Seriously
- Explosives-sniffing dogs are keeping patients away from their nitroglycerin pills.
- Security now requires a urine sample before allowing you into the restroom.
- Stool samples are kept under lock and key.
- Small towels are issued to everyone. Failure to carry your towel and display it on demand is punishable by death.
- They confine you to a little room, interrogate you, make you strip. Who do they think they are, *doctors*?!
- They've confiscated items from the cafeteria on suspicion of tampering or contamination. *Especially* suspect pastries.
- They've set up a speed trap outside the ER.
- Their body cavity searches now require a trip to the OR.
- In their zeal to eliminate all weapons, they've confiscated every scalpel, lancet and syringe in the building.
- He's locked and loaded -— with a Taser made from an old defibrillator.
- They called 911 to report a man wearing a mask and holding a knife in the OR.
- Four babies have been born in the corridor today while they've done full undercarriage searches of all the OB/GYN gurneys.
- doctor who took a patient's temperature was forced to give it back at gun point.
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