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Jun. 9th, 2008|01:12 pm |
One school of thought says that alcohol is the tool of the devil -- though I tend to believe that the resulting hangover is more his style.
Blaine Hofmockel
You know something's fundamentally out-of-whack with the economy when you have to use your Economic Stimulus rebate check to pay your bankruptcy lawyer.
Mark Spence
The Top Worst-Selling Items at Frederick's of Hollywood
- "Flight 93" adult party game
- Blow-up doll modeled after Danny DeVito
- Indiana Jones whip and fur-lined handcuffs
- Marlon Brando model lacy thong
- McGyver "Erector" set
- The "A.I." walking, talking teddy
- Macaulay Culkin's "Home Alone!" self-gratification kit
- Corsets by Calista!
- Robin Williams' crocheted crotch-hair nightgown
- "Jurassic Park" brontosaurus-size vibrator
- Britney Spears crotched panties
- "The American Public" brand anal lube, by OPEC
The Top Ways The Frankensteins Celebrate Their Anniversary
- Just like every other day: matching his-and-hers electrified nipple clamps.
- Dinner, movie and a nice oil change.
- A quiet little romantic dinner by torchlight.
- Sit around the old homestead, eating soup and playing violin music.
- Book a romantic tropical vacation, then decimate the place when the tiki torches are lit.
- Reinvigorating couples' spa treatment at Interstate Battery.
- Crank the bed up to the castle roof during a thunderstorm to try and recapture that spark.
The Top 13 Least-Loved Mystery Novels
- Who Stole the President's Brain?
- "Y" Is for Yawner
- I Search by Night, Except When There's a Sophia Episode of "The Golden Girls" on TVland
- Sherlock's Homies
- The Hard Boys and the Case of the Levitating Math Book
- The Mystery of Why John Grisham Is So Popular
- The Curse of the Insipid Plot Device
- The Mystery of Women and Why Your Lame Ass Will NEVER Solve it
- The DeVito Code
- (Long,Slow, Untraceable Lead-Based Paint) Murder on the Orient Express
- Silent But Deadly: The Methane Murders
- Osama, Where Art Thou?
- Murder by the Jilted Lover Who Confesses on Page 216
- Look to Your Head: The Case of the Missing Eyeglasses
- Father O'Brien and the Case of the Coquettish Altar Boy
- Murder at the Butlers Convention
- The Little Engine That Could Have Committed Murder Most Foul
- Shrinkage: The Guy Who Came in From the Cold
- Dial "1" to Continue in English
- "N" Is for Natural Causes
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