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[Jun. 3rd, 2008|10:42 am] |
I've found there are few things more mind-numbing than sneezing just as the dental assistant is about to give you a shot of Novocaine.
Brad Simanek
The Top Signs Your Underwear Is Haunted
- You smell dead people.
- Steven King seems to hang around the laundromat every time you do whites.
- "Well Honey, how *else* could my lace thong have ended up in the glovebox of the handyman's truck?"
- Your skidmarks seem to spell out the word "redrum."
- Based on the blood-curdling shrieks when you drop your shorts, they're either haunted or you went into the women's locker room by mistake again.
- Your dorm room laundry hamper used to attract flies. Now it seems to attract exorcists.
- Your panties keep disappearing, but you're not a drunk cheerleader.
- Boxer shorts ride up whenever you hear shrieking violins.
Supporters of presidential candidate Ron Paul are starting their very own cities "containing 100% Ron Paul supporters and/or people that live by the ideals of freedom and liberty." The first such Ronburgh is located in West Texas.
The Top Signs You're in Ron Paulville
- The local Paul-Mart sells nothing but guns, knives, batteries and tinfoil hats.
- Since they don't expressly involve the "pursuit of happiness," funerals are banned.
- Despite a score of 25-2, little league games last 20 or more innings, with the trailing team refusing to admit defeat.
- Littering is discouraged, although it is okay to waste your vote.
- Constant complaints about the size of the city government -- even though there *is* no city government.
- It's easier to get a bazooka permit than decent sushi.
- Yours is the only town in Irrelevant County.
- Your house keeps getting egged by those hoodlums from across the tracks in Noneoftheaboverton.
- *Nobody* belongs to the Homeowners' Association or Neighborhood Watch.
- "City Hall" is just a guy in a tent with a spiral notebook.
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