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[Mar. 20th, 2008|09:24 am] |
The Top Signs Your Hairdresser Is an Alien
- Recommend highlighting to "bring out the green" in your complexion.
- "Greetings, fellow biped. In what manner do you request that I mutilate the cellular strands excreted from your cranium?"
- A hairbrush, a comb, a pair of scissors, a teaser and a blow dryer. How else is she using all that stuff at once without 8 tentacles?
- That wasn't styling gel she used, but rather the ectoplasm from a Centaurian slime worm.
- She pushes the hair-needles straight through your skull to fiddle around and see how your brain works.
- Asks if you'd mind if she kept the clippings to feed the poor.
- "Would you like the usual today? Shampoo, rinse, and anal probe?"
The Top Other Signs of Illness We Shouldn’t Miss
- Uncontrollable urge to take karate lessons: Restless Leg Syndrome
- Aversion to daytime TV talk shows, craving for books and non-entertainment magazines: Bright's Disease
- Sudden allergy to tigers and sharks: Multi-Stroke Deficit
- Suddenly understanding everything George W. Bush says:c Foot-in-Mouth Disease
- Overwhelming craving to write down and footnote everything you say or do: Appendix-itis
- Voting for Ron Paul or Mike Gravel: Electile Dysfunction
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