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[Dec. 12th, 2007|07:43 am] |
They say dogs can smell fear, but I think they're just smelling that you've crapped your pants.
Kim Moser
Momma always said "Life is like a box of chocolates," but so are hookers. The good ones always cost more, and sometimes you get a surprise when you unwrap them.
Paul B.
I'll be if they added a brain-teaser competition to the Olympics, one of the puzzles would be taking apart those five interlocking rings.
John Gephart IV
Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley wants to examine the financial records of six of the country's top televangelists. Talk about revelations....
The Top 15 Surprises in Televangelists' Financial Records
- $100,000 per month in tithes submitted directly to God -- with receipts.
- "Mission: Porn Star Salvation (Thursdays, 10pm-midnight). Lesson: 'He is risen!' Expense: Cialis."
- If another causes you harm and you do the Christian thing and turn the other cheek, apparently the dominatrix will charge you double.
- Most of the actual salvation has been out-sourced overseas.
- Mysterious $50,000 monthly payments to a Mr. Lou Cifer for "consulting services."
- Drugs, sex, rock 'n' roll: See itemized list Schedule B (attached).
- Pool boy: $12,000. Hush money for pool boy: $500,000.
- $12,000 for a two-week mission near Las Vegas to help those poor mustangs on their ranch.
- Storage locker fee for the Ark of the Covenant.
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