| |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|11:02 am] |
A Russian woman recently gave birth to a 17-pound baby...
The Top Things Heard at the Delivery of the 17-Pound Baby
- "Call the fire department -- I think we might need the jaws of life."
- "You two hold it up so I can spank it!"
- "Quick, pick up the baby! The doctor can't breathe."
- "The name? We were going with Nikolai, but now we're thinking Hagrid."
- "The ultrasound clearly showed twins. I'll bet this one *ate* the other one."
- "Congratulations, it's a girl. And you really don't want to know where that echo is coming from."
- "That settles it; no more weekends in Chernobyl!"
- "Funny, that hole in the birthing room wall is shaped just like the wet nurse."
- "You might want to skip the nipple and go directly to feeding this one borscht."
- "We'll wait until he gets a bit older to surgically remove the trunk and tail."
- "Hi, I'm Yashima Tanaka, Japan's greatest -- and fastest, I might add -- sumo agent."
- "I have to spank this baby so it'll start breathing. Nurse, get me a shovel!"
- "Awww, the little guy must be hungry. When he came out he was chewing on placenta and washing it down with umbilical cord juice."
- "No, not forceps -- I said a FORKLIFT!"
- "Tell the father he'd better start reading all that penis-enlargement spam."
- "Should I spank it or harpoon it?"
- "Keep in mind, comrade: He will weigh less than eight pounds once we remove the listening devices."
- "Yes, Mr. Jones, you can cut the umbilical cord -- assuming you brought a chain saw."
- "Vhe vhill name new baby 'Nadezhda... istan.'"
- [BEEP... BEEP... BEEP...] "That's not the heart monitor, sir. That's your kid backing out of the womb."
No TopFive.com |
|
|
