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[Aug. 10th, 2007|08:09 am] |
I went to my health club this morning. hile I was working out, the same hought kept coming back to me, and it semed very meaningful at the time. I kept thinking, "Ouch. Ouch. Ouch."
Phil Garding
Turning 40 didn't bother me until I remembered that I had my mid-life crisis when I was 20.
Jim Grimwood
It struck me the other day exactly where my position is in the corporate hierarchy when I realized that the disabled stall in the men's room has more space than my cubicle.
Donald "Tim" Tribble
The Top Signs a Survival Expert Is Faking It
- "I could follow this river to a populated location, but my instincts tell me to climb up this embankment and hitch a ride on I-40 instead."
- Looking closely at the rugged mountain range behind him, you notice the familiar shape of the Hollywood sign.
- Today's Episode: "Hunting the Elusive Fifth Bar."
- A "native" at the top of the raging waterfall makes sure only one "survivalist" at a time slides down.
- Someone always seems to place a mint on his sleeping bag.
- That wild bird he's preparing to eat is miraculously accompanied by a styrofoam side of cole slaw.
- The colorful bugs he is eating have little M's on them.
- When he's forced to drink his own urine to survive, you wonder where he got the ice cubes and the little umbrella.
- His canteen looks suspiciously like a Crown Royal bottle painted olive drab green.
- He sucked the venom out of a rattlesnake bite -- on his own left buttock.
- The trek through the Sierra Nevadas includes a side trip to Vegas for a quickie wedding to an 18-year-old stripper.
- His Swiss Army knife has just one attachment: a lemon zester.
- You're not buying his assertion that the lower Amazonian lagoon toad's mating call is "eerily similar to the Crazy Frog ringtone."
- The "python" he's wrestling is only seven inches long and has a circumcision scar.
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