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[Apr. 5th, 2007|08:16 am] |
I've heard that the truth will set you free, but I'm a bigger fan of frightening the eyewitness into recanting her testimony.
Tom Sims
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The Top Poor Responses to the Question "Does This Make Me Look Fat?"
- "Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend." - "Does this tie make me look stupid?" - "No way! You look *least* fat in that outfit!" - "I guess there's not much point in asking if you mean fat with an 'f' or phat with a 'ph.'" - "No hablo ingles." - "Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things balance out." - "No, but taking it *off* sure does." - "If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won." - "Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make." - "Not if you were travelling at the speed of light." - "Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity." - "Let me jog around to your front and take a look." - "Whoa! A talking couch!!" - "May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"
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