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[Sep. 17th, 2010|01:02 am] |
No @5tevenw twiterī:
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
MIDDLE AGE: Women stop worrying about being pregnant and men start looking like they are.
There's nothing wrong with being mediocre as long as you're good at it.
How do you know if someone has an iPhone? They tell you. |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|01:50 am] |
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Video: Bum! (Uzmanību, neangliska necenzēta leksika!) |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|02:45 am] |
Литературную премию 2009 года в номинации "лучший фантастический рассказ" завоевала ГИБДД за рассказ о ДТП на Ленинском проспекте с участием автомобиля ЛукОйла.
- О! А мы уже свадебный торт разрезали!
- Как разрезали?! Из него же тёща должна была выпрыгивать!
Приходит мужик домой в 2 часа ночи, пьяный. Жена его встречает с гневом:
- Иди туда откуда пришел!
Муж достает телефон, набирает номер и говорит в трубку:
- Ну, все нормально, Колян. Я отпросился!
( ... tālāk ... )
upd ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|02:45 am] |
After 40 years in an abusive relationship, I finally found the courage to tell myself to f**k off.
After 4 years of collagen injections, shouldn't I have a degree or something?
Can you buy those hotel "Do not disturb" signs? I want one to wear as a necklace.
I think it's pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet less. The real savings are generated by BATHING in the toilet.
I don't think I could ever be "born again," like some of those Evangelicals I see. I don't remember much from the first time, but umbilical cords freak me out, and I seriously doubt my mom would go for it.
I was out buying groceries when this creep started following me around with one hand holding his manly part in his pants. Gone are the days when a girl can walk out of the house naked without being bothered.
And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived. Maybe I hadn't gotten Jeff Gordon's autograph, but I had learned that NASA and NASCAR are not the same thing, and in the long run, that was probably more valuable.
The warmth and comfort I feel when I wear my aviator jacket on cold winter days is just enough to tip the balance away from the guilt I feel over those poor aviators who were killed for their pelts.
Guns don't kill people. People who use guns to shoot off the locks of cages at the animal shelter and release a horde of rabid raccoons that quickly beelines for a Dumpster outside the adjacent daycare at pick-up time, causing panic so wild coverage of it takes up the first 10 minutes of the local evening news do. But the doc said Grandma's heart was about to give out soon anyway.
No TopFive.com |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|09:01 pm] |
No @5tevenw twiterī:
Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't even spell.
The only personal growth I've had this year is around my waistline.
Do strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
I have a multiple personality disorder and so do I. |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|09:04 pm] |
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Video: Auč! |
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