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[Sep. 17th, 2010|02:45 am] |
After 40 years in an abusive relationship, I finally found the courage to tell myself to f**k off.
After 4 years of collagen injections, shouldn't I have a degree or something?
Can you buy those hotel "Do not disturb" signs? I want one to wear as a necklace.
I think it's pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet less. The real savings are generated by BATHING in the toilet.
I don't think I could ever be "born again," like some of those Evangelicals I see. I don't remember much from the first time, but umbilical cords freak me out, and I seriously doubt my mom would go for it.
I was out buying groceries when this creep started following me around with one hand holding his manly part in his pants. Gone are the days when a girl can walk out of the house naked without being bothered.
And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived. Maybe I hadn't gotten Jeff Gordon's autograph, but I had learned that NASA and NASCAR are not the same thing, and in the long run, that was probably more valuable.
The warmth and comfort I feel when I wear my aviator jacket on cold winter days is just enough to tip the balance away from the guilt I feel over those poor aviators who were killed for their pelts.
Guns don't kill people. People who use guns to shoot off the locks of cages at the animal shelter and release a horde of rabid raccoons that quickly beelines for a Dumpster outside the adjacent daycare at pick-up time, causing panic so wild coverage of it takes up the first 10 minutes of the local evening news do. But the doc said Grandma's heart was about to give out soon anyway.
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