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[Dec. 12th, 2006|08:49 am] |
President to be outsourced
Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of January 1, 2007.
The move is being made to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last five years
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President as of January 15, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position
He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff due to the time difference between the U.S. and India. He will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the U.S. Government will be open.
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the issues either.
Using canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience.
A "Greeter" position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and his goofy smile.
Unfortunately, Wal-Mart does not have a "Decider" position, job description available at this time. |
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