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[Jan. 22nd, 2011|02:49 pm] |
The other day at the club I had a truly bizarre angel/devil-on-the-shoulders moment. The angel said I should be ashamed for what I was asking that girl to do for a $1 tip; the devil *agreed* -- and told me to see if she would take 50 cents.
Paul B.
If I ever start a religion, it's definitely going to require human sacrifice-- beginning with the next Jehovah's Witness that comes to my door.
Lee Entrekin
"Maybe it's time we put an end to our tradition of passing down family names," Grandpa Adolf Pol Pot Whoremonger mused.
Bob Van Voris
My husband told me the only way to check for testicular cancer is the smear Cool Whip on his jewels, then lick it off. I can't wait to see his reaction when I try a new way I've come up with that involves a scalpel and a bottle of vinegar.
Lori Petterson
When I entered the office, everyone stared at me with that "deer in the headlights" look. I should have had those brakes checked last week.
Jerry L. Embry
At first, I was really impressed when my dog wrote a novel. But then I read it, and I think those seven chapters about walking in a circle and then lying down may keep it off the best-seller lists.
Jeffrey Anbinder
The secret to a good marriage: No matter how many promises you make to be completely honest with each other, never respond to your wife's "What are thinking about?" question with an answer that involves football, beer or her sister's breasts.
Brad Wilkerson
When I was a child, I accidentally saw my grandparents having sex. My psychiatrist tells me that's why I'm afraid of prunes.
Jerry L. Embry
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