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[Sep. 25th, 2010|08:23 pm]
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No @5tevenw twiterī:

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.

"To Do Is To Be" - Socrates, "To Be Is To Do" - Plato, "Do Be Do Be Do" - Sinatra, "Ya Ba Da Ba Do" - Flintstone

My father always told me, "Be bold! Don't be italic."

When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.

Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

Getting old is like a haunted house. There are sounds and smells that can't be explained

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

I put the sex in dyslexia!!

When life gives you melons, you know you’re dyslexic.

I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome.

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
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