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[Aug. 20th, 2010|08:15 am] |
In retrospect, if I'd listened to my boss' constant reminders that there's no "I" in "team," I'd still have my job as a proofreader.
The Perfect Woman: She gets a box that says "de Beers" on it, and is disappointed to find it only has diamonds in it.
My son is too young to understand the subtlety behind "Think outside the box" so instead I've taught him to "Color outside the lines." Now I'm not looking forward to that first parent/teacher conference when he goes off to kindergarten this fall.
If I were the guy who ran the gallows pole, I'd always ask my clients "How's it hangin'?" You know, just to relieve that awkward moment right before I send them to their deaths.
I saw a spray-painted circle with an "A" in the center, and it got me wondering: How did all the anarchists end up using the same symbol? Did they have a big majority vote, or did the Anarchist Grand Council just issue an edict?
The Top Signs a Comic Strip Has Jumped the Shark
- Every year, it's the same thing: Hagar the Horrible threatens retirement, but suddenly shows up just in time for the Vikings' regular season.
- Dick Tracy -- Tracy busted by Internal Affairs after the truth breaks about Tex "Crying Game" Trueheart.
- Hilarity abounds when Mr. Wilson becomes a hoarder and Dennis sets up a meth lab in his garage.
- Prince Valiant just peed in the sink.
- The occupants of Apartment 3-G haven't been seen for two weeks, and the strip has started to give off an awful smell.
U.S. consumers unnecessarily discard billions of dollars of food a year, according to the website ShelfLifeAdvice.com. The expiration date stamped on food containers marks the point when the quality starts to decline, not when the food turns dangerous. But there's some food you just KNOW is bad.
The Top Name Changes for Expired Food
- Fatalcini Afraido
- Hunt's Ptomainto Sauce
- Hearsedriver Helper
- Petrified Farms Oldfish
- SwanSong Frozen TV Dinners
- Gnarlic Bread
- Ancient 'Mima Pancake Mix
- Little Deathie Snack Cakes
- Crematorium of Wheat
- Campbell's Hieroglyphic Soup
The Top Better Names for the Department of the Navy
- Department of Floaty Floaty Bang Bang
- Department of the Best Looking Uniforms
- Department of Bulkheads and Jarheads
- Department of Hull Raisers
- X (so the Marines can spell it)
- Department of a Few Good Village People Role Models
- Department of Warriors and Their Chauffeurs
- Department of Polar Freakin' Opposites
- Department of Hot Lead and Hot Chow
- Northrop Grumman (might as well make it official)
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