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[Jun. 25th, 2010|10:57 am] |
I try to live each day as if it's my last -- lying in bed with a bunch of plastic tubes stuck in my body.
I used to have trouble choking down the pills I have to take for controlling my cholesterol, but it's a lot easier now that I wrap them in bacon.
Do not forget that the sun delights to touch your face, and the breeze to softly caress your skin. That way you won't get totally creeped out if this happens.
Just how long does evolution take? You'd think that after 2000 years, nature would have taken care of that whole foreskin thing for Jewish males.
I need to either stop dreaming of being a train conductor or stop drinking so much. I passed out at a party last night right after yelling "All aboard!" and the ride in my dreams got pretty bumpy.
The Top Signs Your Bandmate's a Zombie
- Insists there be only green corpses served as refreshments in the dressing room.
- On the way to a show, your car won't start, so you leave him and run all the way to the concert with your topless girfriend who was taking a shower. And he's still right behind you.
- He's obviously a bad fit: He's not particularly "grateful."
- Groupies always leaves his room with glazed eyes, walking very slowly and with their brains screwed out.
- You tell him he needs to rehearse, and he goes cruising around in a black car.
- She smells a little bit worse than Courtney Love.
- He wants to play a gig in Forest Lawn Cemetery as "a shout-out to my homies."
- Only as he tosses his stick in the air during the drum solo do you realize it's his own femur.
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