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[May. 29th, 2010|07:48 am] |
I was bitten by a radioactive grandmother and turned into Doily-Man. My costume is disgustingly see-through and my superpower seems to be mega-hyper sexual abstinence.
Here at the CIA, we have our own version of the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. It's pretty secretive, though: no one's allowed to ask about it or say what it is.
I keep waiting to see a rollover accident involving a cement truck, just to see if it keeps going in circles while it's lying there on its back.
Know what's worse than finding animal fur all over your car seat? Noticing that it's blowing in from the air vent.
The Top Countries Populated Only by Women
- Titaly
- Cote d'Ovary
- Labya
- PMStonia
- Lesbanon
- Djiboutilicious
- Malldivas
- VaChina
- Chickaragua
- Buxombourg
The Top Countries Populated Only by Men
- Singaporn
- Cockoslovakia
- Denparked
- Litebeeria
- Uraguy
- Whambamthankustan
- Penizuela
- Passgasistan
- Belchium
- MadaNASCAR
The Top Signs You've Seen This Topic Before
The Top Signs You've Seen This Topic Before
- Top Signs You've Seen This Topic Before
- It's got your blood and fingerprints all over it.
- Topic? What topic? Oh look, there's a monkey.
- It's GOT to be the same one: It's a *smell* memory, and those are never wrong.
- This entry got #3 last time, too.
- It finally jogs a memory when you picture it swirling clockwise down a toilet bowl pipe.
- It looks dirtier and more menacing than the one you buried in the Topic Sematary.
The Top Things Overheard at Arlington National Cemetery
- "And I thought *my* yard was tough to mow!"
- "Arlington's rules against joint plots with non-military loved ones means Jack's '67 Mustang had to be buried up the road."
- "No, no. The Tomb of the Unknown Exit Strategy is located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."
- "We appreciate the initiative, Corporal, but stop distributing marshmallows and sticks at the Eternal Flame."
- "We shall never forg... hey, what happened on 'Cold Case' last night?"
- "Years ago, I was stationed at a naval base near here and dated a WAVE. After going to the Friday night movie, we'd walk back to the base through this cemetery, stopping to make out on top of one of the graves. After all, Virginia is for lovers."
- "Eternal Flame my butt! That's just hot air still coming from Kennedy's speeches!"
- "Darned if I know how, but this bullet in my chest actually does have my name on it."
- "So why are they guarding this tomb? The guys in there aren't gonna be escaping anytime soon."
- "MacArthur wanted to be buried here, but there wasn't enough room for his ego."
- "I haven't seen this many stiffs in one place since that John Tesh concert."
- "Was that noise the Rolling Thunder motorcycles riding through just now, or was that you?"
- "Man, it would be great if they'd put a Starbucks here."
- "Well look at that, I thought he was kidding when he said 'Kick Ass' was his middle name."
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