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[May. 25th, 2010|03:25 pm] |
al-Gebra is the root of all evil quadratic polynomials.
When exploring life's labyrinth, leave no stone unturned. When wandering marijuana's maze, leave no turn unstoned.
My wife said yesterday that she's worried I'm becoming a workaholic. Well, this 32-slide Powerpoint presentation I put together overnight should convince her otherwise.
I read today that they're making a "Planet of the Apes" prequel. Technically speaking, isn't *every* film a "Planet of the Apes" prequel?
Last night, my wife and I made love at the drive-in theater, and it was exactly like the way it was years ago before we were married -- except for the part where our kids were complaining about not being able to see the movie.
The Top Surprises at the 2010 Webby Awards
- No video or still photos of ceremony exist since the iPad camera hasn't been released yet.
- The wind sock on the microphone is the Pets.com puppet.
- YouTube and Facebook share award for Best Wasteland of 2010.
- Due to a voting mixup with the Trekkies next door, Priceline.com gets Site of the Year award.
- Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and the editors from "The Onion" caught having serious discussion of the merits of converting to needs-based economic practices recommended by Nobel Prize-winning essayist and economist George Samuel Newsome, while retaining elements of societal norms established in reaction to cultural changes of 1970's-era Western Civilization.
- xkcd.com wins for Best Design.
The Top Ways to Screw Up a Sure Thing
- "Sorry honey, I guess you must've heard me wrong. I said I'm into Bon Jovi, not *in* Bon Jovi."
- Compliment the color of her beer bottle and offer to open her blouse.
- Seal the deal by impressing her with your vast repertoire of Monty Python routines.
- "Wow. Your boobs look just like Mom's."
- "Ehn, he's good enough. Everyone's going to see it no matter who we cast as young Darth Vader."
The Top Toddler Complaints
- Wine in a box? Sure. Wine in a juice box? One can only dream.
- Mom and Dad are such philistines, they can't appreciate your "Flatscreen Feces" for the masterpiece it is.
- "Big Red Car" doesn't rock as hard since Greg Page left The Wiggles.
- The constant fear of being adopted by Madonna.
- You have to spend half an hour sitting in your own filth before anybody notices. Then again, so does Amy Winehouse.
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