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[May. 19th, 2010|08:06 am] |
My brother has an allergy to certain wheat products, but he still tries to eat them whenever he can. I think he's just a gluten for punishment.
Little-known fact: The teleportation device on the Starship Enterprise is made by BMW. The proof? It's a beamer.
One of the most beautiful ladies at work walked in the other day and told everyone her car died. She asked if anyone had jumper cables. I said I have some in my truck. She asked, "Can you jump me?" Next thing I know I was fired. All I said was "Yes, but what about the car?"
The Top Excuses for Getting Caught Surfing an Inappropriate Website
- "Just doing some research for the upcoming sexual harassment seminar."
- "I was helping the IT guys test the filtering system. Looks like they forgot to add this site to the blocklist."
- "I was looking for ways to spice up our love life, Dear!"
- "My PC is controlled by a massive botnet and I have no control over what it displays."
- "Uh, I'm remotely logged in to a client's PC to help them troubleshoot their disgusting screensaver."
- "I'm testing a new government surveillance satellite. Not only is the zoom feature amazing but it even lets you see through clothing."
- "I'm trying to train my dog to stop being such a coward and it seems my web search for 'pet wussy' went horribly wrong."
The Top City Names If the Polar Icecaps Completely Melted
- Atlantis City, New Jersey
- Pariscope, France
- Sail 'Em, Massachusetts
- Sao Marco... Paulo!, Brazil
- Dusselfjord, Germany
- Floodelphia, Pennsylvania
- Helsunki, Finland
- Bublin', Ireland
- H2Omaha, Nebraska
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