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[Mar. 11th, 2010|07:58 am] |
I object to the term X-ray. It's taking the "Christ" out of "Christ-ray."
Just the thought of carrying coins in my pocket makes me queasy, shaky and light-headed. I fear change.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Oh, and take it from me: Looking up the other end doesn't exactly work wonders for your rep with the other cowboys.
When I first met my wife 4 years ago, she told me, "I don't have any kids that I know of." So now that we're married, I'm really worried about the possibility of an expensive maternity suit.
The Top Sentences to Avoid in a Job Interview
- Does this look infected?
- Is it just me or does something smell like dog farts?
- Is that your daughter in that photo? Man, She's smoking hot!
- So, what is the policy on pressing charges?
- What's the life expectancy of the people above me on the corporate ladder?
- What's with all these questions? I passed the drug test didn't I?
- Over at McDonald's they provide lunch. Can you top that?
- 5 to 10 with time off for good behavior.
- Does your health insurance cover communicable diseases?
- I'm going to need Fridays off, at least until I complete my court-ordered community service.
- Do you know whose black Mercedes I hit while I was trying to park?
- I was recently acquitted of stalking my former supervisor.
- Do you want to be on copy to my Top5 Work humor list contributions?
The Top Things You Seldom Hear Rappers Say
- "We can't record it this way, with all of these grammatical errors -- for gosh sakes, we're role models!"
- "I disagree, Kyle. Yanni could kick Tesh's ass."
- "Calgon, take me away!"
- "Heavens to Betsy, ladies! Cover those booties immediately! You'll catch your death of cold!!"
- "Now wave your hands in the air like you're trying to catch fireflies on a warm Cape Cod summer evening!"
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