these will be things that lose a big part of their sense once they have been put into words. like dreams.
this one time when I did drugs for the one and only time in my life (it was acid), I got afraid. I do not think I had before really known about all the backwater downtrod `civilzation` of America that has grown up since 1850`s in places where nothing was. where men went with nothing and became disconnected, telling themselves that was freedom. They did not grow, they stagnated. All over the areas or Arkansas, Texas, Mississipi, Louisiana, Alabama, those were the worst places for a man to be in on this entire planet. What happened then though was that I saw these men in people around me. All of the notions that I learned about after, I saw in my friends who were around me or maybe they actually were never there, but that does not matter I guess. I felt and saw that complete lack of humanity of men grown up in delusion and violence, minds putrid and stagnant and bodies obese and bloated, laughing like pigs feasting on their own shit. This was what I saw and felt and I was afraid and did not know what is happening, but now as I gradually realize the interconnectedness of all life, I think it might have been that in that area the living were so desperate and the forces of life inhabiting the life there so tortured that it created a huge resonance. like an aftershock. Could it possibly that that was what I had glimpsed in my delirium because the drugs somehow shortcircuited my brain? I do know that we can access that timeless state in which the life that is infinite exists and we can connect to the experiences from the lives that we have not yet lived. Perhaps it was a bit of that but very mushy. And those are notions about that area of America that have bothered me quite a lot. I wonder.