Jane_Canta - October 11th, 2009

Šķiet mūžību gaidītais videočats notika tikai tādēļ, ka ļoti stingri un konkrēti pajautāju: KAD?
Šķiet, gribēju viņu nogalināt, sist, skrāpēt, kost, teikt visu, kas nodarītu viņam sāpes, darīt visu iespējamo, lai tikai viņš atzītos, ka viņam sāp.
Viņa pašpārliecinātā poza un web kamerā pūstie dūmi šķiet nospieda kādu pogu manā apziņā. Šīs pogas nosaukums: Iznīcināt-destruktīva ietekme.
Ko es sarunāju? Daudz ko?
Mani plosa greizsirdības, sāpju un nezin vēl kādi dēmoni.
There is nothing to say, only that I miss you. Ir vienīgais konstruktīvi pozitīvais teikums no manas puses, pārējais viens vienīgs uzbrukums, visiem viņa vājajiem punktiem, kurus pa šo laiku biju viņā uztaustījusi...
Pati vāros dusmās.
Raudu un dusmās strīdos ar sevi. Es esmu ļoti, ļoti dusmīga.
Patiesībā pat neesmu pārliecināta, vai man to vīrieti maz vajag.
Esmu greizsirdīga uz visu - viņa draugiem, kas ir ar viņu kopā, vecākiem, pilsētu, smaidu, gaisu uz visu...
Nesaprotu, kas tas ir un kas tas bija.
Saprotu, kādēļ man nav dotas normālas attiecības.... maz kas svēts var tikt saglabāts pēc šādas dēmonu dejas...

It's time to take a look at your own reflection in the pond, and make a move to break out of whatever you have been conditioned by others to believe about yourself. Dance, run, jog, do gibberish - whatever is needed to wake up the sleeping lion within.

...if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.

...as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.

...It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.