Singing concerts is effortless. Without any pressure, your voice works and music happens. People are warm, welcoming and it just all makes sense and music works out.
But not in the auditions. Except for study purposes, I haven't sung even one good audition in my life. I can't complain about project possibilities, in rather accidental character. However -for a stable job - on stage- in those 3 minutes you just have to be able to sing well.
A successfull audition is the key to a bearable future life, since I'm not going for marrying rich or living a predictable life in kitchen. My life depends only on myself, without alternatives.
If I think about a future running from one music school to another, teaching notes to moody children for a miserable payment (which actually 95% of us, educated musicians will be landing in) after all these years studying for the stage- music and art - leaving your homecountry and taking necessary adjustments every single day,
I'd rather kill myself.
But, I'm slowly running out of solutions. Meditations, mental trainings, Alexander tecniques&co, therapy, sedative medicine (!), drinking alcohol, not drinking alcohol- this all just doesn't work on me. Not for those 3 audition minutes my life depends on. You're just one big stress ball where voice - the direct prolonging of yourself -has no choice but to react and dissappear from it's core and quality.
KĀ jelkad es dabūšu darbu???