| Monday, December 30th, 2013 |
| 10:13 pm |
Kayak says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21009563 Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML |
| 10:13 pm |
RustyRuski says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21009542 Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML |
| 10:13 pm |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/work/21009463 Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML |
| Sunday, December 29th, 2013 |
| 9:38 pm |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21009271 Today, I took my girlfriend to see "Frozen," which she had been talking about for weeks. After I bought the snacks, she told me that she couldn't believe I was going to watch a princess movie and walked out on me for not being "manly." She took the popcorn with her. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
Jizzyface says FML http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/21009159 Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
heart broken says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21009083 Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
ConfusedDad says FML http://www.fmylife.com/kids/21008990 Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
Anonomous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/animals/21008605 Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
worstwaytodumpagirl says FML http://www.fmylife.com/health/21008500 Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
beemove says FML http://www.fmylife.com/health/21008430 Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21008373 Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML |
| 9:38 pm |
daenerys stromboli says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21008277 Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML |
| Saturday, December 28th, 2013 |
| 9:14 pm |
Cacahuete says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21008243 Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML |
| 9:14 pm |
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| 9:14 pm |
honeybunny90 says FML http://www.fmylife.com/animals/21008001 Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML |
| 9:14 pm |
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| 9:14 pm |
eyes wide SHIT says FML http://www.fmylife.com/animals/21007608 Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML |
| 9:14 pm |
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| 9:14 pm |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/21007475 Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML |
| 9:14 pm |
-__- says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21007435 Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML |