| Nékas kā sobjekts |
Apr. 29th, 2012|02:42 pm |
beidzamajās dienās esmu pabaudījis vairākas uz priekšu vedinošas sarunas arī ārpus 2. dzīvokļa republikas sienām. Tēvs Teodōrs, piemēram, pastāstīja, ka grasoties daļu brīvā laika un enerģijas ziedot permakultūras plauktiņa tulkošanai latviešu valodā. es tur arī labprāt kādu artaviņu iešķiltu. tā nu ir sanācis, ka pirms iemigšanas jau kādu nedēļu pa lappusei vien sūcu iekšā Masanobu Fukuokas grāmatu Viena salma revolūcija (no kurienes arī doma par „pēdējo salmiņu”), ko atronu par dikten stimulējošu esam. necik tālu jau vēl neesmu ticis, ap 11. lappusi, bet tās jau nav nekādas skriešanās sacīkstes ātrlasīšanā, tāpat pusdzīve vēl priekšā un, attiecīgi, pakaļā.
citvakar atkal, tērzējot ar holandiešu biedriem, aizskārām ķipkonfliktu ar vecākiem, kas jau nu dikti un par varītēm gribētu redzēt savu atvasi beidzot kļūstam ParKautKo, kamēr es aizvien drošāk stūrēju Nékā virzienā. kad pāris reizes biju sevi nonšalanti nodēvējis par noubodiju, šie ar' bišk tā kā sarauca uzacis un paģērēja paskaidrojumu. neesmu vairs īsti drošs, ar kādām elektrōmagnētiskām bungādiņu vibrācijām izklāstīju savas sajūtas par tēmu. galnais, ka šie teica, ok, why not. viena lieta gan, ko atminos pieminējis, bij Fukuoku pasāža, pie kuras patlaban esmu apstājies un ko labprāt te ielīmēšu. ja nu kādam noder. priekā!
ā, nu jā, vēl šodien aprit precīzi pusgads, kopš 2. dzīvokļa republikā ieradās Ojārs. un parīt viņš brauc prom. tas nav ne skumīgi, ne līksmi, tas ir vien fakts. un es māšu kā Bokas jaunkundze Karlsōnam ar baltu nēzdodziņu. es zinu, ka viņš atgriezīsies.
_____________
One night as I wandered, I collapsed in exhaustion on a hill overlooking the harbor, finally dozing against the trunk of a large tree. I lay there, neither asleep nor awake, until dawn. I can still remember that it was the morning of the 15th of May. In a daze I watched the harbour grow light, seeing the sunrise and yet somehow not-seeing it. As the breeze blew up from below the bluff, the morning mist suddenly disappeared. Just at that moment a night heron appeared, gave a sharp cry, and flew away into the distance. I could hear the flapping of its wings. In an instant all my doubts and the gloomy mist of my confusion vanished. Everything I had held in firm conviction, everything upon which I had ordinarily relied was swept away with the wind. I felt that I understood just one thing. Without my thinking about them, words came from my mouth: "In this world there is nothing at all . . . " I felt that I understood nothing. [To "understand nothing," in this sense, is to recognize the insufficiency of intellectual knowledge]
I could see that all the concepts to which I had been clinging, the very notion of existence itself, were empty fabrications. My spirit became light and clear. I was dancing wildly for joy. I could hear the small birds chirping in the trees, and see the distant waves glistening in the rising sun. The leaves danced green and sparkling. I felt that this was truly heaven on earth. Everything that had possessed me, all the agonies, disappeared like dreams and illusions, and something one might call "true nature" stood revealed.
I think it could safely be said that from the experience of that morning my life changed completely.
Despite the change, I remained at root an average, foolish man, and there has been no change in this from then to the present time. Seen from the outside, there is no more run-of-the-mill fellow than I, and there has been nothing extraordinary about my daily life. But the assurance that I know this one thing has not changed since that time. I have spent thirty years, forty years, testing whether or not I have been mistaken, reflecting as I went along, but not once have I found evidence to oppose my conviction.
That this realization in itself has great value does not mean that any special value is attached to me. I remain a simple man, just an old crow, so to speak. To the casual observer I may seem either humble or arrogant. I tell the young people up in my orchard again and again not to try to imitate me, and it really angers me if there is someone who does not take this advice to heart. I ask, instead, that they simply live in nature and apply themselves to their daily work. No, there is nothing special about me, but what I have glimpsed is vastly important.
..
On the day following this experience, May 16th, I reported to work and handed in my resignation on the spot.
One Straw Revolution: An Introduction to Natural Farming |
|