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1. Ego work (becoming aware of your own ego) is a life changing practice.
All of us have an ego. The ego is the voice in our mind that begins in childhood. In childhood, we are in an ego-centric stage. This just means the ego is still developing, + we believe that everything is happening to us + because of us.
If there is trauma involved (emotional neglect, abandonment, attachment issues, or abuse) the ego becomes fragile. Meaning, it does not have a fully developed sense of self. Here we become reactive, defensive, + our nervous systems are in a consistent fight or flight.
The ego is not “bad,” at all. Ego allows us to make sense of our human experience. The issues with ego come when we are unconscious. When we don’t do work to become aware of it, ego drives all of our behavior. This leads to a lot of suffering, disconnection, + shame.
When you begin this process, you’ll see that the ego consistently tells stories in the mind. Most of them are fear based: “I’m not good enough”, “this person doesn’t like me” “I wish I was smarter like they are.” “I’ll never accomplish what they did.” Like a broken record, ego states it’s (very compelling case) all day long. The more the ego goes unquestioned or unacknowledged, the stronger the belief becomes.
Because we are not taught about ego, we have never witnessed the ego stories as separate from self. Instead, we believe these stories to be true. We allow these stories to become reality. We unconsciously become the ego concept of “self” stuck in a cycle of repeating our past.
I think of the ego as a hurting child caught in a tantrum— how the ego loves to tantrum. We aren’t trying to “kill” the ego, or deny it. We are doing the work to WITNESS the ego. Just as a conscious parent would witness a child with love. To pause + acknowledge the ego stories as just practiced thoughts, not truth. This allows us to make choices from our highest (unconditioned) self.
Choice is our path to healing.
2.
The ego is the concept of who we are. Our identity. Anything after “I” is the ego. The ego gives us a steady stream of thoughts through our mind all day long.
Most of us have no awareness of the ego. We aren’t taught about it. And if we do hear about ego, it gets a bad rep. All human beings have an ego. It’s a healthy construct of the mind. The ego only causes issues for us when we are unconscious to it.
Because we believe our ego thoughts/identity to be true, we act as if they’re true. This is why I speak so consistently on self observation. We are not our ego. The ability to think about our thoughts makes us uniquely human. We have the ability (with practice) to question the ego. To see if what the ego tells us about ourselves + our experience is true.
Awakening is not a mystical experience. It’s not for monks. It not just for “spiritual” people. Awakening is simply becoming aware of the ego and it’s consistent fear based, scarcity based narratives.
These narratives make us feel as though we must compete. That we are not enough. That someone disagreeing with us, or not seeing our reality is a threat to our own identity.
As we expand our level of consciousness, we can see that ego thrives on fear based thoughts. It’s consistently trying to suck us into its stories by creating thought cycles that keep us repeating familiar behaviors + having the same emotionally charged habitual reactions. The ego always seeks to have the past in the present moment.
Ego work is simply observing. Allowing the ego to be there with all its thoughts. All it’s fears. And of course all it’s tantrums. The ego is just like a child. It needs to be seen + heard (not judged) which allows the ego to settle.
Consciousness is freedom from the ego driving all behavior.
Most of us have no awareness of the ego. We aren’t taught about it. And if we do hear about ego, it gets a bad rep. All human beings have an ego. It’s a healthy construct of the mind. The ego only causes issues for us when we are unconscious to it.
Because we believe our ego thoughts/identity to be true, we act as if they’re true. This is why I speak so consistently on self observation. We are not our ego. The ability to think about our thoughts makes us uniquely human. We have the ability (with practice) to question the ego. To see if what the ego tells us about ourselves + our experience is true.
Awakening is not a mystical experience. It’s not for monks. It not just for “spiritual” people. Awakening is simply becoming aware of the ego and it’s consistent fear based, scarcity based narratives.
These narratives make us feel as though we must compete. That we are not enough. That someone disagreeing with us, or not seeing our reality is a threat to our own identity.
As we expand our level of consciousness, we can see that ego thrives on fear based thoughts. It’s consistently trying to suck us into its stories by creating thought cycles that keep us repeating familiar behaviors + having the same emotionally charged habitual reactions. The ego always seeks to have the past in the present moment.
Ego work is simply observing. Allowing the ego to be there with all its thoughts. All it’s fears. And of course all it’s tantrums. The ego is just like a child. It needs to be seen + heard (not judged) which allows the ego to settle.
Consciousness is freedom from the ego driving all behavior.
3.
The ego works tirelessly, to uphold an image created in childhood based on the traits deemed ‘positive’ + ‘negative’ from the people we loved most. The ego self tells stories all day long: “I am smart” “I’m good at math” “I’m always putting other people first” — this is who we believe we are until we awaken from the human sleepwalking experience. Awakening is having awareness that we have an ego, but we are NOT the ego. It’s this expanded awareness that allows us to act from a space of the true self—beyond conditioned (habit responses.) Acting beyond the ego self is our healing transformation. It’s our freedom.
4.
My dark night of the soul was a terrifying experience.
I was lost, confused, (literally) wanting to run away to another country and leave life as I knew it behind.
I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone.
I had brain fog, memory issues, + fainting spells.
With a heavy feeling in my chest there was a consistent nagging question: “is this what life is?” The dark night of the soul is something many of us are experiencing. It’s the beginning of awakening. Because we live in a society where we have a “normal,” where everything should just keep going as we know it, it’s highly misunderstood.
When we experience it, we are typically at an emotional rock bottom. It’s “dark” because we’re finally facing ourselves, + that isn’t easy.
We are awakening to the truth: that our ego creates so much of our own suffering. That we are not this “personality” we believe we were. Our behavior is conditioning. Ways we learned to adapt + survive— then repeated because it’s all we knew.
The dark comes before the light. And the light comes after we become more + more conscious. Conscious to what we think, our habits, our patterns, + our limiting beliefs we never chose— beliefs we internalized from others in our earliest years.
I was lost, confused, (literally) wanting to run away to another country and leave life as I knew it behind.
I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone.
I had brain fog, memory issues, + fainting spells.
With a heavy feeling in my chest there was a consistent nagging question: “is this what life is?” The dark night of the soul is something many of us are experiencing. It’s the beginning of awakening. Because we live in a society where we have a “normal,” where everything should just keep going as we know it, it’s highly misunderstood.
When we experience it, we are typically at an emotional rock bottom. It’s “dark” because we’re finally facing ourselves, + that isn’t easy.
We are awakening to the truth: that our ego creates so much of our own suffering. That we are not this “personality” we believe we were. Our behavior is conditioning. Ways we learned to adapt + survive— then repeated because it’s all we knew.
The dark comes before the light. And the light comes after we become more + more conscious. Conscious to what we think, our habits, our patterns, + our limiting beliefs we never chose— beliefs we internalized from others in our earliest years.
5.
My partner + have been doing ego work for years. Her + I regularly share our ego stories. The vulnerability of speaking these stories (and the feelings they create) creates an awareness and an opening to deeply connect with practice.
I also use this within my business. So does my team. The more ego awareness we have, the more we can find grace, humor, + empathy for those around us.
Ego stories, are the narratives created within our mind around people’s behavior. These stories are based on our past experiences with people. So, in the present moment we are literally painting people as our past experiences. We’re projecting + unconsciously re-creating these patterns without actually seeing or hearing another person.
Because we believe we are our thoughts, we take our thoughts are a solid truth. By questioning our thoughts + voicing them, we allow another person to see our perspective. Then, we allow them to share their own perspective. This is authentic connection: being seen + heard. Though, of course this is highly uncomfortable. It takes work.
When practicing, allow the person to state their ego story even if it feel untrue (for you.) Practice active listening. The more space you hold for your partner, the more space they will hold for you. Our role is not to talk anyone out of their ego. It’s to hear it. As a mental construct. To allow it. The ego relaxes when it’s seen, heard + acknowledged.
The ego is a silly little story teller. It has tons of ideas about who we are. And who other people are. With practice, we can become conscious of our ego. Aware of its patterns. Aware of the fear state it operates in. This is how we begin to heal the ego: with awareness of its stories without judgement.
Again, this is WORK. It takes two people willing to practice active listening, self observation, + non-judgement. Practice, practice, practice."
Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist) • Instagram