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Augusts 24., 2005

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22:55 Dr Mark.... hold me, i think i'm falling... and i think it's some kind of depression mixed with exhaustion.... and i think i'm alcoholic,.. although that cant be... i nearly dont drink i drank yesterday though.. a coctail............................. only! help me.......... please.. Mark: okay, I'll hold you, but Mark (the regular me) is kinda feeling depressed as well... and you'll only know if you're alcoholic if you find out you've spent the night with someone weird. me: oh. i'll never be alcoholic then. it seems i'l never get to spend a night with somebody.. not just weird, alright as well. oh mark.... what's happened to you then? Mark:Nothing. Feeling lonely (as usual) me:oh........ oh mark :( i wish i could help you....... i received a text message today, talking about.. well, that girl wa really down and it wass mixing with an awful epiphany about how awful the world and people actually is.. i sat down to reply.. and.. i knew i had gone through that.. and all i knew/learned from my own experience is that you just gotta go through it and not give in to whatever's threatening to you......... so i didnt know what to say to help her... it's the same way now.. i wish i could say you're not alone or that i'm with you.. you know i am........ but will that make you feel any better?,.. i think we're talking like doctor to doctor now... haha..... have you seen me? can you imagine me? ,..well imagine i come into your room and sit by you..... lean against you and.. well, i dont know.. whatever you feel comfortable... daydreaming is what i've got............. and that's how i get by.. i dont need real people anymore.. they scare me, they never act as i've planned them to and that scares me....... i think i'm gonna die soon................ you know, i cant live in the real world anymore... but dont listen to me... those are only depressed and lame little girl's delirium nightmares... but i'm not drunk....... ps - sanjemts Benny And Joon.. tagad tikai veel jaatgaadaa liidz maniim :(

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