Indeed the world is wonderful:D And another WONDERFUL day is drawing to a close.. Hmm.. Picked up a book about Oscar Wilde. I love that guy. His tragedy was being born half a century too early. But then again, if he'd been born later, his genius would not have been so appreciated. Nowadays we have all sorts of idiots pretending to be clever..like yours truly:) Anyways..whenever I start reading Wilde, i can't seem to stop. He was THE smartest person around in his time. And society just killed him. Prejudice killed him. And he died laughing. Come to think of it, he reallly did give a new meaning to the words-he who laughs last, laughs longest. He's still laughing. If there is something on the other side, then Oscar is definitely smiling:) Or at least I hope he is. I hope there is SomethinG on the other side.. The more I thing about life, the more I want to stop thinking about it. Especially the meaning of it all. The use of living, the use of dying. The use of washing my hair in the morning, the use of falling in love, getting married, cooking dinner. It's not like I'm depressed or anything, it's just that sometimes you get these gloomy thoughts and feelings.. It'd just be weird to find out that all of this, everything, the world around us, the world we have created is for nothing. Just for us. And that there's no meaning beyond that. Just like love. That we love only for ourselves. And that the other person is practically irrelevant as long as we feel satisfied by loving them. On one hand, love is a one sided feeling. Like, when do you feel love the most-when you love someone or when someone loves you? What I mean is that it is more important to love, than to be loved-what's it to you if some person loves you to death if you have no feelings for them? There's not much use loving someone who doesn't love you back either, but at least you feel the thrill..you have the butterflies..you feel that somewhere under your ribs there is a heart. Sometimes I guess it's better to feel a broken heart rather than no heart at all..
I've noticed that no matter how many times mine has been broken, it still breaks just as easily.. The only thing that changes is the period of healing. It's as if this instinct develops-it tells you that, hey, no worries, it's neither the first time, nor the last.. I don't know whether this is good or bad.. There's this saying that goes- Work as if you don't need the money. Dance as if no one's watching. And love as if you'd never been hurt. How can you do that? i can keep myself from being overly cautious but I can't prolong the time which I need to heal. I can't stop the reaction of indifference.. And then there's always the question of the necessity of pain. Should you suffer for nothing? And how are you able to distinguish Notning from Something? To hell with it all.. :)

Garastāvoklis:: melancholy

Rīt ir kāzuss starptautiskajās cilvēktiesībās un vēl k.d. aizsardzības iestādēs! A ko dara Aija? Mācās teiksiet? H..! Biju vannā, sapinu bizes, un tagad chortojos par to, ka nevienam ģēnijām DC++ nav Sinatras dziesmas Moonriver! NU KĀ VAR TĀDAS DZIESMAS NEBŪT?!?!? Tā gribas Frenkiju paklausīties:))) Un vispār es nez..kā jau vienmēr, šī tak kā nekā ir mana trademark frāze:D Dzīves filozofija savā zīņā.. Moonriver..wider than a mile.. Kāpēc man liekas, ka cilvēki tajā laikā dzīvi prata izbaudīt pilnīgāk? Tagad viss ir tik sekls..mūzika (lielākoties, arī tie, kas domā, ka ir baigi "zemtekstainie", vienkārši grib būt "intelektuāli"..), izglītība, nerunājot jau par attiecībām.. No sērijas: "Nu, kā iet ar meiteni/puisi?" "Jā, jā, baigi labi!" "Smuka/s, ja?" "Jā, jā, ubersexy!", "Kaut cik sakarīga/s?" "Jā, rakstīt prot!" "Gultā viss kārtībā, sekss ir?" "Pfff! Nu ja, ka ir!" "A mīlestība?" "...kas tas tāds?" :( Un tā tā dzīve paiet! Sad but true! Ierēcu šovakar par domu, ka, ja es, ES, of all people, kādreiz zaudēšu ticību tai stulbajai maitai ljubestībai, tad ziniet-ir pienākusi pastarā diena:D Lai cik gudra es nebūtu (šo apgalvojumu es aicinu jebkuru apstrīdēt, ja pastāv tāda vēlēšanās;) vienā ziņā es vienmēr būšu stulba, neracionāla un nu...jā, STULBA:)Es sevi mierinu, ka ja ir kaut viens tāds idiots (es), tad kaut kur jāslēpjas ir vismaz vēl vienam! :DDDD AI:DDD

Vēl-pārlasīju šito visu pasākumu. Mani secinājumi:
1)kad rakstu depresijā, sanāk TIK salkani:D Nu nožēlojami vnk, pašai kauns!:DDD
2)angliski no manis skan rēcīgāk! Gramatika, man liekas, arī korektāka, nekā latviešu valodā:D
UN
3)es vnk NENORMĀLI, ANORMĀLI, PARANORMĀLI lamājos. Kā vecs krievu jūrnieks. But then again, tas jau nav nedz atklājums, nedz noslēpums:DDD

Laiks laikam iet čučū...un sapņot par..to, ka guļu:)))m Ziemassvētki arī nāk..Ehh, dzimšanas diena un tā tālāk.. Gribētos atkal to bērnības dienu sajūtu Z-svētkos.. Iedomājos, kad būšu mamma un man būs kādi divi trīs mazi nepanesami mini-me, ah, kādi tad būs Ziemassvētki! Aaaa:))))) Bet tas nākotnē..es tvāko 4 gadu laikā un bērni neiet kopā.. Vēl jāiztrakojas..lai pēc tam mazajiem nav jācieš.. Un vispār..citu dēļ mēs ciešam tikai bērnībā. Kad izaugam mēs cīešam tikai un vienīgi savas vainas dēļ.

Garastāvoklis:: crushed

Es vairs neatceros, kamā es tobrīd biju samīlējusies, bet nu tas teksts pirms iepriekšējā ir vnk nožēlojams:D

Čubināties, vells ar ārā:((((((((

A ziniet, kaada jeega kaut ko zinaat??? NEKAADAS!!! Galvenais ir miileet un aizmirsties!!!!

Tikai pasaki, lai es aizveru acis, un es aizveershu.
Tikai pasaki, lai novelku kurpes un eju basaam kaajaam, un es novilkshu.
Tikai liec man pluukt rozhu eerkshkjus, un es pluukshu.
Liec man izraudaat juuru, un es izraudaashu.
Liec atrast adatu siena kaudzee, un es atradiishu.
Tev tikai jaapasaka man, lai es nestaigaju un es sasieshu sev kaajas.
Tikai jaaluudz man nerunaat un es noriishu sev meeli.
Tikai paluudz man paarkraasot manas debesis melnas, un es paarkraasoshu.
Tikai luudz man izbarot putniem savu sirdi, un es izbaroshu.
Saki man, lai es vairs nelidoju, un es paarstaashu vicinaat spaarnus.
Saki man, lai beidzu dejot, un es vairs neklausiishos muuzikaa.
Tikai pasaki, lai pametu visu, un es pametiishu.
Tikai pasaki, lai akli sekoju tev liidz pasaules malai, un es sekoshu.
Bet tu tikai klusee un neko nesaki.

Sodien rakstiijaam diktaatu latvieshu valodaa. Visu laiku figureeja teikums "Un, ja Sveetais Peeteris man jautaatu, ko es veeleetos panjemt liidzi aizsaulee, es vinjam saciitu.." Tikko saaku domaat, ko es vinjam saciitu.. Laikam atminjas...jo kas gan cits ir dziive, ja ne atminjas.. Ja riit es pamostos un neko neatcereetos, cik veerti buutu tie 18 gadi? Tie buutu vien tuksha skanja, ko man kaads vareetu pateikt-tu dziivo jau 18 gadus. Bet ko man tas izteiktu, ja visi shie gadi nebuutu saglabaajushies atminjaa? Ja taa padomaa, reti kad cilveeks dziivo mirklim..Mirklim parasti izskrien cauri un tad atminjaas to izjuut.

Euz, tikko mani te paarnjeema nelielas paardomas...Salasiijos vienu gudru graamatu par ebreju misticismu, citiem vaardiem sakot, kabalu. Tur bija taada viena rindkopa, ka cilveeks nevar atpaziit to, ar ko nekad ieprieksh nav saskaaries un ilgoties peec taa, ko nekad ieprieksh nav izjutis.. Iedomaajieties, ja vareetu nezinaat, ko noziimee miileet, buut miileetam.. Visi sirdesti tiktu momentaa izdzeesti...nekaadu saapju..nekaa..mieriiga eksistence. No malas tas vareetu shkjits skumji, nozheelojami...bet pasham....vieglaak buutu..daudz..Kaads taadu dziivi izveeleetos?

Some men are haunted by ghosts...some by their past...I'm haunted by the memory of how it felt to be loved...

Taaaa...likaaas, ka ir te jaaieraksta... MANI ZHETONVAKARAA IECEELA PAR KARALIENI;)))

"DIENA" ir plebejistiskaakaa, dzeltenaakaaa, STULBAAKAA aviize LV robezhaas, un vieniigais iemesls, kaadelj es to lasu ir, lai sekmiigi nokaartotu LU jur.fak. iestaajeksi. Skaudiigaaku, pretiigaaku un, veelreiz atkaartoshu, PLEBEJISKAAKU aviizi es nezinu. Idioti kuudii muusu idiotisko tautu:/

Nu karo4i taa..jaaaa...yooo....uuuh...Labi, beigshu atveidot OZO=D Shodien atskjiriibaa no vakardienas aizvilkos gan uz skolu, gan uz kursiem... Secinaajumi? Mazi beerni Latvijaa ir vai nu gariigi atpalikushi vai arii tuvu tam.. Atliek vien mierinaat sevi, ka veel 6 meeneshi un *PUFFFF*, nekad vairs nebuus taadus jaaredz..vismaz masveidaa ne;DDDD Kuri bija veel okidoki, vareeja iereekt, par lietuvieshu dizho valdieku vaardiem , ka apiemeeram, Jagailis (tjipa kaa Dona dziesmaaa "Ja es buutu veej..GAILIS..." :D , tad tur veel bija Kjikutskis vai k-kas tml., un visu paarspeeja Gjindmiinis vai kaa tur..nu iisumaa izsakoties, gjindenja un miineetaaja saliktenis... Iereecaam arii par to, kaa Lietuva 15.gs bija baigaa lielvalsts, a mees letinji koa? Tiem piedereeja teritorijas liidz pat Melnajai juurai, mees izshtukojaam, ka latvieshu zemniecinjam pilniibaa pietika ar 3 hektaariem pljavas un alus mucas, nafig iet un karot, taisiit valstiun tamliidziigas glupiibas=D

Jaaiet guleet, lai riit ar JAUNIEM speekien vareetu atkal iet uz to kolosaali-radikaali-ideaali-bljagj-nahuj-spektakulaari-forsho SKOLU! YIPeeee;(((( Bet man tomeer ir mazs priecinjsh- riit uz 2-to stundu :DDDDD

Garastāvoklis:: amused

Yo, yo yo! Beidzot man arii ir laiks te paseedeet un k-ko nodrukaat... Laikam jau jaaseko visu paraugam un iisumaa jaadescribo J-gada sagaidiishana... Nu, no saakuma likaas, ka nebuus nekas iipashs, be beigu beigaas izveertaas par super-duper pasaakumu - dejoshana, eeshana, dzershana, chubinaashanaas un puukaina nakshnjoshana. Life couldn't get any sweeter*;D Par laimi pat nepiedzeeros un atceros pilniigi visu (ko nevareetu teikt par pagaajusho Jauno gadu, peec kura es kljuvu paziistama kaa 'blondiine, kurai garsho shnjabis un *MAliBu*;)))) Nu ta taa..tomeer neskatoties uz to, ka iipashi ar lielo slikto alkohhhholu neaizraavos, nakaamajaa riitaa taa vai taa agraak par trijiem no gulta izliist nevareeju:/ bet nu tam vareetu buut arii daudzi citi iemesli (piem., slinkums, apzinja, ka ilgu laiku vairs trijos celties nevarees, etc.)

Shodien "nobastoju" skolu. Ja to vispaar par bastoshanu var saukt, nemot veeraa, ka notika stundas triis? Nu vai cik tur.. Pieceelos 8. Knapi pamodinaaju veel 1 indiviidu, kas sheit palika pa nakti..pareizaak buutu teikt, ka gandriiz nepamodinaaju:) Nu tad taa, aizlaidu sho uz darbu, zvaniiju savam Saules Zveerinjam Santai, lai prasiitu, vai vinja ies uz tik elpu aizraujosho filozofijas stundu..UN TAD es tiku apgaismota, ka tikpat labi var arii neiet =D Nu..ielikos guleet iisi pirms 10...modinaataju uzliku uz 12...domaajiet e tad arii pieceelos? XYU! No gultas izliidu labi ja ap bez 15 diviem;D Nu karo4e taa.. Meerkakja aatruma rezhiimaa sakravaajos, safrishinaajos, braucu uz centru... Satiku draugu, paeedaam. Izdomaaaju, ka ekonomikas lekcija shovakar manam veel joprojaam no Z-svetku briivdienaam novaardzinaatajam organismam buus par smagu, mieriigu sirdi aizgaaju uz treninju un izfitnesojos. PSC, kad nedeeljas 3 neesi neko dariijis, ir TIK gruuti;DDD bet nu nekas, veel paaris treninji un viss buus "chikinekaa";DDDD

Labs ir, ieshu augshaa chuchinjaat...riit jau skolu atkal bastot nevarees:'((((

Garastāvoklis:: contemplative

Tahaaaaaaa.....Kaads ir ieveerojis, ka jo retaak es te paraados, jo labaak man klaajas? :D Nu varbuut 2005-jaa kaukas tomeer mainiisies... Veiksmiigu visiem gadu, blah blah blah.... Nepaasforseejiet ar svineeshanu un turieties pa gabalu no pirotehnikas... THE QUEEN HAS SPOKEN.

Garastāvoklis:: bouncy

Gribu dejot salsu.....baaa;DDDDD Jaapaprasa spaanju valodas u4ukam, kur taadus briinumus var dariit....

Blja besis........fuck.....kaa kaut kaads KRANCIS var shitaa sabojaat gariigo?>:((((

Who would have guessed it..yet another beautiful day has gone by...if you consider non-stop rain beautiful that is;P What ever happened to the weather? There's this really old song, the lyrics go along the lines of "just blame it on the weathermaaaaaan", hell yeah, i blame it on him, stupid little fucker. The only thing every single school kid in this country really anticipated during the whole fucking school year was summer. SUMMER not below zero temperature rainforest winds and showers! My computer is slower than a limp snail..if there even is such a thing.. I think i might just smash the computer screen any day now..the anger has been building up for weeks;D might as well let it all come out... No, bad idea, my parents would kill me..better do it to the lap-top;D

I'm chilling out...Baby bash reaaaaallyyy iiis good...mmm....Went on a date a few days ago..and that's mega progress for me, considering that dating is my least favourite free time activity.. I dunno why, but i've never seen the thrill....i mean, what's the point of looking pretty and pretending to be cooler than you are..and you usually just manage quite the contrary anyway-you either seem to stuck up, fed up, or just arrogant..jeez.. why can't that dating stage just be avoided.. Don't get me wrong, i love spending time with the oppossite (is it double "s"?) sex and all but i can't stand all the shit that comes along with it..i hate not being myself..pretending to be different..but you can't do without it..and that SUCKS:(

Do any of you guys believe in destiny? Cuz i'm starting to... A few things have happened recently..just out of the blue..and they're not even inter-connected..at least not in a clearly visible way..won't make sense if i start writing about it here...but there are some coincidences..that are well....WAY too coincidental to be considered coincidences;D

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Alright, so it's five o'clock on a Thursday afternoon..and I'm home alone staring at my fucking computer screen like some thirteen year old nerd from a geek moevie..That last sentence didn't actually make sence, considering that "nerd" and "geek" are practically synonims. Mind you people, that it's a THURSDAY night!! Not Friday or Saturday or whatever other day normal people usually go out on.. My favourite day is Thursday..And I'm not going anywhere tonight. Fuck. As a matter of fact, while turining the lock of my door just an hour ago I waas struck by a question -Why the fuck? And it's still in the air hanging above my head. Went to the hair-dresser's today. I've got poker straight hair. I've got a perfect manicure. I'm a fucking blonde with brains. Then WHY the FUCK am I not going anywhere tonight? Huh? "Is it me, am I too fat?" ;DDD Actually the only ever correct answer to that question is undoubtedly: YES. I once read in a book that "You can never too rich or too thin. Then somebody said "but look at Kate Moss, she's practically a broom on a stick" Oh yeah, poor girl, I'd never want to be the ex of Johnny Depp.......FUCK YOU ALLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!