Indeed the world is wonderful:D And another WONDERFUL day is drawing to a close.. Hmm.. Picked up a book about Oscar Wilde. I love that guy. His tragedy was being born half a century too early. But then again, if he'd been born later, his genius would not have been so appreciated. Nowadays we have all sorts of idiots pretending to be clever..like yours truly:) Anyways..whenever I start reading Wilde, i can't seem to stop. He was THE smartest person around in his time. And society just killed him. Prejudice killed him. And he died laughing. Come to think of it, he reallly did give a new meaning to the words-he who laughs last, laughs longest. He's still laughing. If there is something on the other side, then Oscar is definitely smiling:) Or at least I hope he is. I hope there is SomethinG on the other side.. The more I thing about life, the more I want to stop thinking about it. Especially the meaning of it all. The use of living, the use of dying. The use of washing my hair in the morning, the use of falling in love, getting married, cooking dinner. It's not like I'm depressed or anything, it's just that sometimes you get these gloomy thoughts and feelings.. It'd just be weird to find out that all of this, everything, the world around us, the world we have created is for nothing. Just for us. And that there's no meaning beyond that. Just like love. That we love only for ourselves. And that the other person is practically irrelevant as long as we feel satisfied by loving them. On one hand, love is a one sided feeling. Like, when do you feel love the most-when you love someone or when someone loves you? What I mean is that it is more important to love, than to be loved-what's it to you if some person loves you to death if you have no feelings for them? There's not much use loving someone who doesn't love you back either, but at least you feel the thrill..you have the butterflies..you feel that somewhere under your ribs there is a heart. Sometimes I guess it's better to feel a broken heart rather than no heart at all..
I've noticed that no matter how many times mine has been broken, it still breaks just as easily.. The only thing that changes is the period of healing. It's as if this instinct develops-it tells you that, hey, no worries, it's neither the first time, nor the last.. I don't know whether this is good or bad.. There's this saying that goes- Work as if you don't need the money. Dance as if no one's watching. And love as if you'd never been hurt. How can you do that? i can keep myself from being overly cautious but I can't prolong the time which I need to heal. I can't stop the reaction of indifference.. And then there's always the question of the necessity of pain. Should you suffer for nothing? And how are you able to distinguish Notning from Something? To hell with it all.. :)

Garastāvoklis:: melancholy