Axa

Taken from Anthony Giddens "The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies":

Let me follow through further the therapeutic work of Susan Forward as she generalises her concerns with Nicki to offer a full-blown account of the conditions under which parents can prove 'toxic' for their children. What is a toxic parent? There is a well-known saying to the effect that however parents behave towards their children it will be wrong; no parent can discern all of a child's needs or adequately respond to them. Yet there are many parents who consistently treat their children in a manner that damages their sense of personal worth - and might cause them to engage in life-long battles with the memories and figures of their childhood. Toxic parents

tend to see rebellion or even individual differences as a personal attack. They defend themselves by reinforcing their child's dependence and helplessness. Instead of promoting healthy development, they unconsciously undermine it, often with the belief that they are acting in their child's best interest. They may use such phrases as 'it builds character' or 'she needs to learn right from wrong', but their arsenals of negativity really harm their child's self-esteem, sabotaging any budding independence...At the core of every formerly mistreated adult - even high achievers - is a little child who feels powerless and afraid.
(Giddens 1992: 105)