|
May 20th, 2016
10:28 pm - Nightmares and Ghosts P4
To think of it, I have the unique opportunity to rebuild my body, while I am also rebuilding my life. Second chance, a pure new start. Maybe ultimately I will be able to rebuild or at least recover my soul.
Healing and restoring so much at once is tough, it's confusing and painful. There's ups and downs, way more than expected or accounted for. To use the overused phoenix analogy, to rise from the ashes, you have to burn to ashes first; but the rising itself isn't a momentary process either - more like the initial pyre in reverse. A deeply spiritual experience at times. But in all this struggling, how does one become a better person, a better self? Where does one find the right templates that perhaps never even existed?
On a side note - I've always thought in terms of "Fear is the mind-killer". Only in my recent experience have I realised that fear can also be what it was always meant to be, fear can be a life-saver. That is the real core nature of basic fear; fear for life turns on the instinctive response to save yourself, automatically do everything you can to survive. Only fear has the power to override the limitations you have set yourself, especially when it comes to suppressing any and all survival instincts. Fear will make you fight for life, even if it takes breaking down everything you're used to and completely step out of the world your sick brain has enclosed you in. I think that's probably one of the most spiritual 'and' earthly experiences of recent. Because the hardest part comes in when fear subsides and you have to justify survival to a mentality (your own mentality, no less) bound for self-elimination. Hard-coded values. Life-long habits.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sviesta Ciba |
