It rainz and stuff, so workz sux and evrthn. So I go like WHOAHH and likes lolcats. Osh now makez enterz with Exodus firsts and seconds.

EXODUS 1
1. An Jacob wented to Egypt and ppl an ther beybies goed too. Teh pepl wuz:
2. Ruben an Simeon an Levi an Judah
3. an Issachar and Zebulun an Benjamin
4. an Dan an Naphtali an Gad an Asher.
5. An evrywun wuz liek, we camed from Jacobses penises. Lol. An thier woz sebbenty of em.
6. An thenn tehy wuz al ded. Srsly.
7. An then thhere childern wuz lik, PENIS GOES WHERE? An then they new whear penis wents, and maded babieses.
8. An some othar guy wuz liek, lol I am Kinng of Egypt. Whose is Joseph? Dont even no.
9. King sayed to hiz peeps: Yo. Look at teh Jews are lots of em.
10. We gotta stops em an take thear cheezburger. Or els theyll takes our cheezburger, srsly.
11. An he gived them too muchly werk to do. An wuz liek, bild me citeis! Wif treasurz!
12. But teh Jewz alredy knoed where penis goes. An wer liek, yay babis. But boo, worrk.
13. An Egyptianz were like, work hardr!
14. An Egyptianz werr liek, Srsly, do all teh work for us. An work hardr.
15. An Egyptking wuz liek, yo babyladies, who mayke babies cum out.
16. Wen therz a boy jew, kill him. Wen therz a girl jew, kept them sose I can mack them. Kthxbye.
17. But babyladies sayed to selvs, teh Ceiling Cat wont like. An they didnt.
18. An the King he saied, WHUT?
19. An they syad to him, lady Jews dont even need us fur babes. They iz liek, nah. (O, an BTW, ur lady Egyptianz iz laemerer.)
20. Ceiling Cat wuz liek to babyladies, yu cann hav cheezburgers.
21. An buckets.
22. King wuz says, evrone lissen up! All teh boy jws go in teh rivr, k?

EXODUS 2
1. Sum guye wented to Levi's place an marryed hiz doter.
2. An the doter hd a bayby who wuz a boi so she hided himm.
3. So she decided to do wot Pharo saied an put hm in teh rievr but seh made a bote fur him sos he woudt drounz.
4. An sum othar laydie wotched him flote awai.
5. An teh Princess was nekkid in de riiver and sawed teh widdle babie and gotted him out.
6. An teh beyby cryd, an Princess wuz liek whoah. A Hebruw.
7. An a survant sayd shoud I gett a Hebruwe to luk affer it?
8. An Princes she wuz liyk, yeah.
9. Princess wuz Phoaro's daoter, btw, srsly. An she sed to teh Heberw ladie I wil gift yu monies for loking aftr teh baby. And Herbbwe layde wuz liek, whoa its my baby. Only she dint sai it ot lowd.
10. An wen he wuz grone up, Princess wuz sayed, Ur naym is Moses, srsly.
11. Wun dai Moses saw sum gyptian guy beting on a nother Jew.
12. So he capped him.
13. An then sum otha guyz whu wurr Jewz saied, Why joo do dat?
14. An Moses wuz llike Your not teh bos of me! An thot to hisself How did tehy no bout it?
15. An Pharo wuz liek, WHUT? GONNA KILL HIM! But Moses runnd awai to liv in Midian.
16. An dese gurls caym to get woter for sheeples, an wuz seven of dem.
17. An sheepleherds triyed to stop em but Moses helpd em.
18. Teh gurls got hoem, an thier dad sayd Why joo so quik getin woter?
19. So they tole him a bowt Moses.
20. An ther dad wuz liek Bring hm her fr sum fode to eeat.
21. An Moses livd wif da man an maried his doter Zipporah.
22. An tehy haded a baby cald Gershom, an wer liek lol gershom funy name.
23. An latr on Pharo died an all teh Jews werre llike, too much wurk.
24. An Ceiling Cat herd em say it, and saied to hisself Oh rite. I is ment to not let that hapn.
25. An Ceiling Cat gave props to teh Heberws, srsly.

mood: soooted