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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in
Uncyclopedia Quotes' LiveJournal:
| Monday, September 6th, 2010 | |
| 12:38 am [divi_g] |
"You must be this tall to join the Nazi party". Despite these accomplishments, he was most famous for having led Germany as an Axis power through World War II,[1] or as he referred to it, The European World Tour 1939-1945, when he liberated Poland from Jewish influence, liberated France from incompetent rulers, and liberated Austria from itself. Notably, he also tried to liberate Russia from Communism and Britain from its collapsing Third World imperialism, but was unable to do so. Some historians suggest Hitler may have felt cramped inside his mother's womb, giving way to his later resentment of foreigners invading his already cramped space in Europe. It has also been suggested that the insides of Hitler's mom were not diverse enough, contributing to his later xenophobia. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Litt Hitler was seated next to a Polish boy and a French boy, and one day when the teacher was off in the teacher's lounge, he beat them up and tried to take their desks away because, he said, he needed more room to work on his math homework. However, when he tried to beat up Ivan, the exchange student from Moscow, young Adolf ended up with a black eye. A nearby American kid stepped in to help restore order, but only after the fight had already gone on for twenty minutes. FIRST, WE TAKE FRANCE! AND THEN, WE FIND NEMO! Hitler not only promised to destroy the Versailles Peace Treaty, but also destroy all inferior races and take over the world. Unfortunately, everyone thought he was only mucking around when he said this. To make a very long story short, the coup failed after the group burst into Bürgerbräukeller, a beer hall, armed with squirt guns. Hitler penned "Mein Kampf" (My Convulsions) Years later, an unfinished sequel titled "Mein Kampfy Chair" would be uncovered After his release, Hitler was court ordered to attend two AA meetings a week and was placed on probation. He was on probation from his release until his death in 1945. Among this cast were korspe's for hire, such as the Frei Korpses. There is more to the story of how Hitler came to power. His major nemesis, Adolf Schmitler von Knorring, was an Austrian doctor. Schmitler was a rather successful doctor, and was able to publish his memoirs about his work, "My Cough". His book was very popular with cardiologists, but it had little effect on the general public. It is probably true that the Polish generals had taunted Hitler with pictures of Brad Pitt without a shirt. Shortly thereafter, Hitler began the invasion of France. When asked why, he said, "ze Eiffeil tower vas billt fur ze Germans, and ze French cheese ist smelly." Hitler committed suicide by going to his local McDonald's and dying of food poisoning Main Articles: Holocaust denial, Holocaust denial denial, Holocaust denial denial denial, Holocaust denial denial denial denial Bildes: ( ... tālāk ... ) |
| Sunday, September 5th, 2010 | |
| 11:31 pm [divi_g] |
 Nazi Burger is an restaurant established in 1933 by Hitler, registered under Axis Ltd. They are known for their Double Jew-burger and Auschwitz Fries made in their patented Holocaust fryer. However, it was forced off the market in 1945 and now only exists outside Germany as Neo-Nazi Burger, later known as McDonald's. free burgers would be passed out to hungry crowds, who raised their hands in unison to demand them. By the way, next week, yesterday, three years from now, in the fourth dimension, Hitler shall be reborn in the form of a water nymph. Collectible toys have been extremely collectable, ranging from the popular Iron Cross badge to the Collect 'Em All Panzerfaust set. In 1939, a Polish knock-off of Nazi Burger was accused of copyright infringement. Hitler sent his army of lawyers in their company Panzers and once again used ice cream to appease them. Nazi Burger tried to spread through all of Europe but met resistance from French terrorists who didn't like the "no wine policy." To keep up good French customer relations, they established the new Vichy Burger. The English population didn't much care for the ice cream drinks, not even the new V-2 shakes. In fact, they attempted to aggressively shut down the Nazi Burger chain, franchise by franchise, with a series of lawsuits. Nazi Burger was so successful in spreading that it was merged with several other fast food chains: Mussolini's Pizza Factory, Hirohito's Sushi Hut, Goulash Emperor, and Thai Satay. In 1941, Sushi Hut was accused of giving cat meat to Americans through the port of Pearl Harbor. The FDR Fast Food Inc. declared an all-out campaign for clean food worldwide and sued both Nazi Burger and Hirohito's Sushi Hut. After a bitter legal struggle the FDR Fast Food Inc. decided to take an idea from Nazi Burger and use ice cream to put the restaurants out of business. Consequently, in 1945 the Hiroshima Little Boy Nuclear Malt was introduced in Japan, bringing much joy to the Japanese, who had never had so much ice cream. Retreating to the freezer and realizing his dream of a massive fast food empire was at an end, Hitler ate a burger and then shot himself. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nazi |
| 11:31 pm [divi_g] |
KGB was a chain of fast food restaurants that originated in Stalinist Russia and has operated since Stalin ordered the Comrades of Kentuckistan to organize into a collective in 1954. KGB was most well known for the lengths it took to satisfy the costumer, even placing cameras and microphones inside of everything to monitor for people showing the slightest sign of hunger and then quickly "addressing" the problem. Any hint at dissatisfaction by anyone was "handled" by special undercover agents at the KGB Collective Training Headquarters in Siberia. Loyal comrades may not know they are hungry until KGB informs them that they are hungry. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/KGB |
| 11:31 pm [divi_g] |
This article was written by a fascist. If you don't laugh, we'll execute five prisoners! |
| 11:14 pm [divi_g] |
 The Criminals In America is the younger and dumber sibling of the Central Stupidity Agency. The CIA, which is sometimes known as the Challenged Intellectual Association and occasionally referred to as Cornhole Inbred Americans, takes a leading role in the USA's efforts to totally piss off the rest of the world. It is in fact a highly ████████ office of government. Other important surveillance methods include using a large roll of string and tying the end to the back belt loop of your trousers. As you proceed through your daily routine, the string unwinds, demarcating your path and making it clear exactly where you've been. Trained CIA agents are then able to proceed from the location of the roll of string and retrace your steps. This surveillance method is not easily thwarted, however some have reported success weaving through traffic, which tangles the string and requires the agent to pick out all the knots. The honest truth is that the CIA doesn't give a damn about what ████████████████ do to you or your cats. Sensible, intelligent employees (there was one!) at the firm (...) Criticism of Censorship in the CIA ████████ of the ████████ is no ████████! They block ████████ that would be ██ ████████ to you and the rest ██ ████████. If you had the citizens of ████████ in the palm of your hands and no one to stop you whatsoever even if it might be somewhat illegal to some extent? What I'm trying to say here is that the last time I checked, we have ██ ██████! And that means we are a nation! Our ████████ and ██ ████████ and McDonald's means something! And I'm not trying to confuse you! And the episode of Full House where it looks like someone in particular is about ██ ████████ was made by ██ ████████who give you ██████████ and you're ████████ asking ████████, "Why am I ████████ this?" Don't. You're done. And maybe gay. Get a life. Just kidding you guys are ████. I love you. A lot. Some people suggests that it is misleading to call such an organization Central Intelligence Agency, as it contains the word ████████ which may also refer to some connection between the CIA and Intel Inc. (which is more probable than the relation between Intelligence and CIA). http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/CIA |
| 11:06 pm [divi_g] |
Taliban (Arabic for "rebellious schoolboys") (originally known as the Talitubbies as seen on TV) The Talibans offers wonderful opportunities for career Suicide Bombers. "All we wanted to do was bring a white Christmas to Afghanistan" says a random member. "But somehow, the U.S. and bombs got involved" The Taliban, while keeping there location secret, have developed a system of delivery for outgoing packages (predominantly threatening media), that somehow finds its way into the hands of organisations such as the Egg nog Lovers organisation and Kick a twilight fan daily! (it īpaši "Kick a twilight fan daily" :DD) In the field of cave habitation, The Taliban have not made any advances in flooded caves, which are thought to comprise 50% of caves including 100% of underwater caves. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Tali |
| 11:05 pm [divi_g] |
... the Operation Iraqi Liberation (O.I.L.). Renowed for his hide and seek skills even as a small child, Bin Laden has in recent years made several pleads to the White House complaining that he must have won the round by now and it should be George Bush's turn to hide. This first taste of American blood, full of sugar, caffeine and saturated fats, turned into a habit for poor little bin Laden. University of Killtheinfidels Ancestry.com has discovered that Osama bin Laden is related to Osama Grain Bin; Bins N. Tubbs; Bin Dare Dun Dat and Reecikle Bin. Religiously, bin Laden is a Sunni Muslim who expresses a deep tolerance for individuals of opposing viewpoints, who he respectfully refers to as "infidels" (kafir in Arabic, meaning "pigdog shit-eating scum"). There is a growing list of incidents that bin Laden and Al-Qaeda have claimed responsibility for, including Lindsay Lohan's DUI, killing Chris Benoit and his family, the Holocaust, and the Lindbergh baby kidnapping. His spokesmodel in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, was terminated when his marketing efforts in Iraq killed off more customers than convinced them to buy his products.   http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Osam |