| rīt es ņemu akadēmisko dienu.. |
[Nov. 9th, 2012|10:18 pm] |
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Can't escape the idea, that we used to be Meredith and Cristina, but we're not anymore. I don't know who we are. I guess we're us. It's like - I have this idea of the world in my head and the real world doesn't fit that idea, and the funny thing is -> I care.
Caring is weird and painful - it's so much easier to be indifferent, bet arī indeferentajam kairinātājam izstrādājas nosacījuma reflekss. Kinda sucks! Life isn't supposed to go the way you expect it, it just goes on like the show.
Quoting John: 'When you find that one person who connects you to the world, you become someone different, someone better. When that person is taken from you, what do you become then?'
Then there's that another thing. I've started to think those people to whom I related in my meanness, whom I looked up to and thought they understood me better than my own mother.. I've started to think them mean, because there must be some kind of line, tolerance and pity. Un the weird thing is - I'm the one, who has pity and is disappointed. I've been disappointed to often lately [caring does that to you], and my buried trust issues start to come up, not sure I trust anyone right now.
Life goes in circles, and I think another one is coming to it's end for me. Or maybe I started to like myself.
p.s. it's all very good and wise to accuse people of not being good enough people, but what have I done to be otherwise myself?! |
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