| reasons |
[Jul. 16th, 2011|06:53 am] |
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| | v razdumjah | ] |
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| | karluša | ] |
the first thought of today was the last one of yesterday.
i'm starting to feel that i might not find peace until i try it out.
because it seems to be a perfect solution to my whole life:
a) it preserves me from returning to my miserable existence, where every project comes with tons of tears and self-torture.
b) i might even find an ambition in life - because i will want to be someone and HAVE A PLAN, not just enjoy 30% of the stuff i have to do today in order to become noone in particular.
c) i might not have to pay A LOT of money for my cause
d) the fact that i do not necessarily need those exams i don't have - seems like SIGN
e) i can move out of the house [īpaši, ja es dabūtu stipendiju.. es varētu atļauties kojas :P un some food..] - which means no more crap from mum [or grandma]
f) i can join the SP - because i'm much cleverer now :P
g) one of the best parts actually - i won't have to kill myself at the end of the summer.
h) i won't lose the creative part - because i still will be able to have all my hobbies - sew and take photos and draw and paint
i) i might even lose some weight
j) i'll have an ambition
k) i will be able to download new movies by the universities IP
BUT
a) i'll be 28 when i'm done [which is rather small sacrifice because even if i want to pursue the road i'm on.. it seems rather likely that i'll be 28 soon enough abd still have no purpose in life]
b) i won't be able to tell this to my parents. [so maybe i just leave them a note]
c) i'll have to part from my pets [and even if gordon is most painful one to me to part from - he's to be the one with the best care, it's kevin and karluša i'm worried about.. who would feed them? and clean their cages? who would not forget to do that?] [but anyway i might move to a flat with some other students and take those last two with me [if kevin will be alive then]] |
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