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[Feb. 3rd, 2010|11:11 am] |
Behind every successful man is a strong woman, except for the man who invented that talking sex robot.
Now that I'm getting older, my doctor insists on giving me a rectal exam every time he sees me. I can understand the annual office visits, but the other two guys in our golf foursome are starting to ask questions, and I don't even want to talk about last week when I ran into my doctor in the supermarket.
I don't care how macho a man is, when you tell him you're, he melts into a little puddle. Especially when he thinks about having to tell his wife.
The Top "Yo Boss Is So..." Jokes
- ...boring the IT guys don't even read her private e-mail.
- ...desperate that he wrote on the bathroom wall: "For a good time, call '0' then have my secretary page me."
- ...horny, that when asked how he felt about new employee orientation, he said he preferred face down.
- ...dumb that he tried to depreciate a previous year's asset without allowing for non-tangible depreciation!
- ...ugly that the office issued a memo replacing all meetings with teleconferences.
- ...fat that when the company introduced an all-you-can-eat employee cafeteria, Moody's downgraded your bond status.
- ...mean he bought calendars with no holidays.
- ...stupid that when he heard people were backdating options he made them go to sexual harassment training
The Top Signs You're Stuck Repeating Groundhog Day
- On the 3,127th attempt, your hysterical list of rejected hurricane names becomes the Internet's first viral hit of 2010.
- It took three re-treads and a dozen patch kits, but you and your inflatable love doll have achieved every position in the Kama Sutra.
- Read the health care bill? You've *memorized* it!
- Regardless of the number of attempts to perfect it, it seems there's no mustache so irresistible that you can convince Oprah to sit on it.
- You start showing up to strip-poker games wearing nothing but your boxers and a grin.
The Top Alternative Careers for Scientists
- After 20 years working in cosmology, you might be ready to step up to a career in cosmetology.
- Celebrity judge on the Nobel Idol TV show.
- After getting the Large Hadron Supercollider working, you're already trained on donut-making technology.
- I don't know about the rest of you, but if this next dose of serum works, I'll be starting a career as a super model.
- Anything that demands keen attention to detail, the ability to repeatedly follow procedures precisely, and which involves minimal contact with the general public. Survey says: Hash house cook.
- Following careful study and peer review, you're confident you are ready to be a mega rock star.
- "Would you like solanum tuberosum with that?"
The Top Movies Aired on the Weather Channel
- There Will Be Flood
- Harry Doppler and the Sorcerer's Hail Stone
- Tsunami Dearest
- 'Phoonstruck
- Some Like It Hot and Humid With a High Around 90, Cooling to 73 Overnight, Followed by Increasing Clouds Tomorrow, High of 84
- Where the Wild Guesses Are
- Rain, Man
- Looking for Mr. Isobar
- Not Without My Doppler
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