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[Jan. 20th, 2010|08:23 am] |
When I really want to get my wife going, I say those three little words that she loves to hear: "You were right."
Next time I go back to that biker bar, I'm bringing my friends along to help me out. Sure, they might laugh at *one*, but I bet those chain-swinging morons would cower before *three* Jedi knights.
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The Top Internet Headlines of 2010
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The Top Ways to Use Science-Sounding Ideas to Help Your Race Car Go Faster
- Gecko tires for better road-gripping performance.
- Use lasers to measure the frequency of the harmonic balancer in order to tune and reduce resonance reflecting against the transaxle's pawl bearing.
- Dynamically spin-balance the primary muffler bearing.
- Extend the tachyon phase annihilator to decrease the tempus rate per quartz oscillation.
- Install variable-density swing arm couplers on the forward suspension disjoint apparatus. What the hell are they *teaching* you guys in school nowadays, huh?
- Coat the gears with that frictionless surface your physics teacher is always going on about.
- Tune the aerodynamics by putting sponsor stickers in different places.
- Increase the positive ionic emission ratio.
- Reduce the coefficient ratio of the combustion byproduct integrator.
- Recalibrate the anemometer for lower geographical altitudes.
- Optimize the air/fuel ratio via a lumped parametric system. Or install some new sparkplugs.
- If you add a Kephler feedback it should significantly dampen the cyclic partials.
- Use quantum entanglement to build two cars, leave one in the pit, and perform all the maintenance, gassing up on that car so it instantly transfers over to the one on the track.
- Simple, by increasing the value of Pi to 3.55, the tire's circumference will increase, adding 13% to the speed without requiring additional torque.
- Paint it red in the front, purple in the middle, and blue in the back to counteract the Doppler effect.
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