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[Dec. 12th, 2009|11:40 am] |
Agents in airports keep asking if I have anything on my person that can be used as a weapon. What's that about? Have they ALL run out of ammo?
The Top Signs Your Holiday Display Could Use a Little Work
- "It's so bright I can see it, and so ugly I wish I couldn't." (Stevie Wonder)
- Dinosaurs and Israelites did not exist at the same time.
- The economic slowdown left you in such a bad way that your Three Wise Men are a snowman and two lawn gnomes.
- The lawn-gnome-as-Christ-child is bad, but the bent-over-gardening-Grandma-as-Mary supposedly "birthing" him is downright offensive.
- The lights look great, but the synchronization to "Hell's Bells" could use a little work."
- Your manger scene is made up of Barbies, Cabbage Patch Kids, and G.I. Joes.
- While sporty, your yellow-and-black police-tape and chalk-outline motif somehow seems to lack the festivity factor of your neighborhood's decor.
- There's nothing in the nativity story about a guy with a huge beer gut wearing a wife-beater T-shirt, slumped on a couch watching television. Shut your damn curtains, man.
- The scene of Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men, etc., all gathered around a manager kind of loses something.
- Donner is probably not supposed to be doing that to Blitzen on your front lawn.
- While it does save time by not having to decorate for October, November and December individually, having Pilgrims burn Santa at the stake as a witch tends to scare the kids.
- When you flip the switch, the lights remain off but your bidet lights up like the fountains at the Bellagio.
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