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[Jul. 11th, 2009|10:59 am] |
Try as one might, I don't suspect there's a positive way to spin earning the nickname "Thunderpants."
Brad Simanek
While visiting Saudi Arabia, I went on a 15-year sightseeing tour of their justice system.
John Dockery
The Top Things Overheard at Michael Jackson's Memorial Service
- "Look! Some of the 'Thriller' zombies are here. Oh, it's just Amy Winehouse and Iggy Pop."
- "Back off, Britney -- who died and made YOU king?"
- "No, Mr. Wonder, I'm not Bruno. I'm Governor Schwarzenegger."
- "He looks quite lifelike -- for the first time since 1985."
- "When the minister said, 'Michael now sleeps with the Angels,' I thought, 'Hmmm, one more reason to keep your kid out of Little League.'"
The Top Hollywood Near-Death Experiences
- Paris Hilton: "I was floating above the bed, looking down at myself... and I said to myself, 'I'm hot.'"
- Steven Spielberg: "I was falling and falling and falling so I just yelled, 'Cut!'"
- Michael Moore: "God looked just like Charlton Heston! And He sent me back to open up a gun store."
- Denzel Washington: "There was this long tunnel... so I figured it was God's way of saying, 'Do the remake of Pelham 123.'"
- Shirley MacLaine: "And there was Gandhi, and he said, 'Nope, that was your last life. Take the hall on your left for a trillion years of purgatory.'"
- Keanu Reeves: "When I approached Actor's Heaven, my key wouldn't open the lock! And I was, like, 'Whoa.'"
- Robin Williams: "I was in line about a mile behind my career."
- Bela Lugosi: "To die, to be *really* dead... it was glorious!"
- Rodney Dangerfield: "NEAR death? Are you kiddin' me? I've been dead for years! I tell ya, no respect..."
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