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[Dec. 22nd, 2008|03:43 pm] |
The Top Hollywood Holiday Greeting Card Sentiments
- "Merry Gross Mass!"
- "Feliz Kitten Natividad"
- "Happy Hannuk-- *Christmas* From Your Agent"
- "Here's hoping this Holiday Season is as uplifting as your new boob job."
- "Hope you get off the B-list and can be invited to our next holiday party."
- "May the Peace of the Season be with you, despite your history of making violent, blood-drenched movies."
- "May George Clooney not take an interest in your girlfriend."
- "May your 'accidental' nip-slip quadruple your Google hits."
- "You are a heartless, selfish, backstabbing prick. Merry Christmas from Mom!"
The Top Things to Do with a Dead Elf
- Nothing says "Christmas" like a little elf skeet practice.
- For a festive holiday feast, stuff a dead elf inside a dead hobbit, and stuff that into a dead dwarf. Cook for eight to ten minutes a pound and no one will mock your turducken ever again.
- Festive toilet plunger.
- Dress him up for "Take Your Dead Child to Work" day.
- Paint 'em red and give them as "Dead Elmo" gifts.
- Put him in your dresser drawer so your undies will smell like gingerbread!
- Last minute stocking-stuffer for that relative you really hate.
- End your letter to Santa with "...or else!" and attach the elf's head.
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