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[Oct. 15th, 2008|08:12 am] |
The Top Things Overheard at John McCain's Website Design Meeting
- "In order to appeal to the youth demographic, we've just purchased the domain name GovsGoneWild.com."
- "Haven't we got *any* flattering photos of him to work with?"
- "Let's optimize our search engine rankings by linking to Obama's site."
- "It would really help if you could tell us ahead of time when he's about to change his position."
- "We need one page to dispel all the lies the Obama website has said about us, and another to perpetuate lies about Obama."
- "Granted, she's quite attractive, but I'm gonna have to veto the 'VPILF' photo spread."
- "Who is this old guy again?"
- "Let me get this straight: You want me to design a website for a demographic who doesn't even use the Internet?"
- "Our site should be very fast now that Governor Palin has given us exclusive access to the Alaskan Internet tubes."
The Top Discoveries of the Large Hadron Collider
- No, dammit, the world isn't going to be destro
- If you whirl atoms around in a circle at high speed long enough, you don't need a collision. They will "throw up" particles.
- Insurance payments go through the roof after your first at-fault collision.
- Large quantities of bozons accumulate outside the complex even before the collider is powered on.
- Traveling at light speed makes you look much thinner.
- There is a dimension that consists entirely of lost socks.
- The Large Hadron Collider can make holes in Swiss cheese 20% larger than those produced by small hadron colliders.
- Not only is the Higgs bosun discovered, but 4 boatswains lost at sea during WWII are recovered.
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