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Jun. 19th, 2008|08:16 am |
Preparation H is normally applied to one's posterior to shrink hemorrhoids, but it has also become popular as a means of temporarily erasing facial wrinkles. I'm guessing the second usage was discovered during a management training class.
Paul Layman
Despite the fact that the condom I got with this Adult Happy Meal was lubricated with barbecue sauce, I thought she'd at least appreciate it being McRibbed for her pleasure.
Brad Simanek
I'm holding back from having my own children because I'm not sure I'd be a very good parent. Besides, have you any idea how much people at raves charge when you want them to watch kids?
Danny Gallagher
The Top Complaints of Fast Food Workers
- Being ignored in the androgynous mascot costume, while that clown Ronald gets all the girls with his size 17 feet.
- Sexual encounters after closing involving giant vats of catsup aren't nearly as exciting as you might think.
- Thanks, I really didn't want to know what goes into the "special sauce."
- The inability to fully wash away that "hamburger smell" is seriously undermining your love life. Except with morbidly obese people.
- The weird mix of biochemicals in the kitchen area air is reacting with their piercings.
- When you started your IQ was higher than your weight. Now, not so much.
- Your boss is 3 years younger than you.
- Clown Herpes.
- So many customers, just one "Special Sauce" dispenser.
- Animal rights activists who mistakenly picket your "hamburger" place.
The Top Signs You've Gotten Enough Rain
- "You wanted a houseboat? Well, now you got your F&%$IN' HOUSEBOAT, Slim!!"
- Al Gore's latest issue: Global squishing.
- Local birds are wearing snorkels.
- Even those wacky Biblical literalists are saying He's being a bit heavy-handed.
- FEMA calls to ask about the weather.
- Well, SOMEthing's not staying mainly on the plain in Spain.
- Katrina-Shmatrina. Try living through some *real water,* ya pansies.
- Myanmar sends you aid.
- The sign at the campsite entrance says that Smokey rates the current danger level of forest fires as "You Must Be Joking."
- Royal Caribbean offers a new luxury cruise package that includes Sioux City, Cedar Rapids and Des Moines.
- You drove your Chevy to the levee, and the levee was gone.
- The newspaper delivery guy doesn't even have to bother aiming for the puddles.
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